Is This Love or Emotional Dependency? Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
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Title: Is This Love or Emotional Dependency? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:email@example.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 703 Category: Relationships
Is This Love or Emotional Dependency? Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
One of my clients, whose ex-girlfriend recently broke up with him, asked me following question:
“I think I still love her, but is this love or just emotional dependency? Many times I ask myself if falling in love comes from wounded self because (for me at least) it feels as if I can’t live without other person. When I give love from heart I don't expect anything back, but when I fall in love I think this is a different energy.”
Falling in love can come from two different inner states. When you fall in love from wounded self – ego self – you are in love with how other person loves you. You are handing over to other person responsibility for your self-worth and wellbeing, and if he or she does a good job of attending to you in way you want to be attended to, then you may say you are “in love.” However, it is not so much person you love, but how he or she loves you. When it feels as if you can’t live without other person, it is emotional dependency. The part of you that is “in love” is really a child or adolescent who is needy for love because you are not giving love to yourself or to others. There is an emptiness inside that you expect someone else to fill, because you are not taking responsibility for your own feelings of self-worth. You are attaching your worth to another’s love, which is why you can’t live without that person.
When you fall in love as a loving adult instead of as a wounded, needy child or adolescent, your need for relationship is totally different. As a loving adult, you have learned how to fill yourself with love and define your own worth. Instead of needing someone to fill you and make you feel lovable and worthy, you already feel worthy and full of love. You experience this inner fullness because you have learned how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs, and you have learned to fill yourself with love from a Divine Source. This fullness overflows and you want to share this love with another person, another loving adult who is also filled with love. Your desire is to share love rather than to get love.
The Brain Is Your Most Powerful Sex OrganWritten by J.B. Blount
What organ gives you your most intense sexual pleasure? That's right: your brain. Now you can learn to maximize your brain's potential for pleasure...
Stress and anxiety can destroy a good time in bed. If your mind isn’t in right place, it won’t matter how healthy you are or how expert your lovemaking. If your mind isn’t in right place, then you won’t enjoy sex… and your partner probably won’t either.
For a male, most powerful male sex organ is undoubtedly his brain. What are men most afraid of? Erectile dysfunction? Premature ejaculation? Ask any man who ever had a performance problem and he’ll tell you: his biggest worry is that it might happen again. Studies show that this anxiety alone is enough to cause it to happen again, or at least to take a lot of pleasure out of something that is supposed to be ultimate in pleasure.
Anxiety destroys libido in women just as it undermines performance in men. Ask any woman how her libido is doing when she’s stressed out by her job, her kids, or her relationship. The answer: Zip. Nada. In fact, Journal of American Medical Association states that 43% of women regularly experience sexual difficulties, mostly low libido, or poor arousal. This issue frequently leads to difficulty reaching orgasm, which in turn leads to frustration that further undermines arousal.
Like any other sex organ, your brain needs exercise to function at its best. Otherwise stress and anxiety will take their toll on your sex life. What needs exercise is not brain functions that generate critical thinking, but rather more emotional limbic centers.
The most powerful exercise for your mental sex organ is mental rehearsal. Mental rehearsal is use of active imagination and memory to teach yourself to perform successfully, just as Olympic athletes do. For this approach to work, you need to be in right frame of mind (positive, upbeat, and self-confident) as well as right state of mind (an alpha to theta brain wave state).