Is It Inside Or Out? Helaine Iris © 2003“Good fences make good neighbors.” Robert Frost
I listened intently as my client described how lousy his past week had been. Up to that point in our work together his progress had been steady, and his energy level had gradually increased. This week, however, he felt miserable, physically and emotionally.
I asked him if he could identify any factors that might have created
shift in his energy. He told me about some increased pressure at work and that he stopped doing his daily spiritual practice, something he had made a commitment to himself to maintain.
Suddenly, in middle of our investigation, he changed subject and began to tell me about a small drama unfolding with his neighbor. He shared that adjacent boundary lines with this neighbor had never been clearly defined. Recently, neighbor took it upon himself to mark property line with some stakes according to his own interpretation.
The neighbor's act annoyed my client. It also re-opened a can of worms that had been closed long ago. Although reticent, my client was ready to initiate a conversation with neighbor. He wanted to clarify property line question. What became strikingly curious to both of us was why he'd been willing to tolerate unclear boundary for so many years.
I then pointed out what seemed like an interesting connection between his lousy week, stopping his spiritual practice and property line issue with his neighbor.
I could see it in his eyes as it dawned on him that perhaps he had not clearly defined and stated importance of his own internal boundary, in this case maintaining his spiritual practice. He unconsciously dropped something instrumental to his self-care in deference to demands of his work.
How interesting that what was reflected in my client’s outer world was a projection of what was going on in his inner world. His irritation with long-standing property line issue and neighbor’s action came to light when he discovered that he crossed his own internal boundary and began to feel undesirable consequences. He was having a hard time “staking” off his own inner boundary and became aware of it when his neighbor took initiative to stake off his.
