“I am George Mudashiru, a close friend and personal assistance to Abba Sani Abacha son of former Nigerian military ruler Sani Abacha. I got your contact throught a directory of prominent members in world so I decided to contact you through mail on regarding this proposal.

“As a close associate to Abba, he gave me a large sum of money which he said to help him transfer abroad and be deposited in my name in a security company. . . .” And good old George would like to deposit $10 million in my bank account if only he had its number. A great classic, which is to scams what a Duncan Phyfe table is to furniture. I didn’t give good old George my bank account number, and I’m sure you wouldn’t either.

THE PAYPAL SCAM

Now for worst one. It started off on an alarmingly high note. (Or maybe I ignored e-mails they sent for starters -- because I’m on three e-mail sucker lists I get daily news, in triplicate, about terrible things supposedly happening to my PayPal, eBay, and bank accounts.)

This one started out: “We recently have determined that different computers have logged 1nto (sic) your PayPal account, and multiple password failures were present before login. One of our Customer Service employees has already tryed (sic) to telephonically reach you. As our employee did not manage to reach you, this email has been sent to your notice.

“Therefore your account has been temporary suspended. We need you to confirm your identity in order to regain full privileges of your account.

“To confirm your identity please follow link below:” (the link looked like a PayPal link but I am sure was not).

Well. They suspended my account. We’re playing in big leagues now.

I do have a PayPal account, though not at that particular e-mail address. And if I hadn’t received so many scam e-mails, this would have led me to go to REAL PayPal website and ask if they sent that e-mail. Instead I hung tight.

And got doozy. It had official PayPal logo and format. On right-hand side of page it said:

•COMPUTER VIRUSES strike fear into all our hearts. When a particularly vicious virus comes out, announcements are made on television and in newspapers. For a good discussion of computer viruses, go to http://computer.howstuffworks.com/virus.htm.

•A COOKIE can be perfectly aboveboard and even helpful. For example, when you visit Amazon.com, you get a cookie which enables their computer to recognize you when you return and to remember sort of thing you’re interested in. TRACKING COOKIES, on other hand, record places you go online and what links you click on, telling advertisers what type of ads should be aimed at you. It’s true, they won’t transmit a virus, but who wants an Internet bloodhound baying on their trail? Good anti-spyware will remove tracking cookies.

•A TROJAN HORSE pretends to be something it is not, such as an e-mail from a friend or something you’ve ordered. The text of e-mail may say, “Here is information you wanted.” Or, “Keep this as a secret between you and me.” Or, “You’ve just won our grand prize!” Anything to make you click on that attachment. Once you do, trojan horse takes over your computer. It can do any malicious thing it wants, from erasing files to changing your desktop. It then propagates by sending itself to other people in your address book. A good friend just had his Internet address list stolen, and I’ve been getting messages supposedly from him ever since. They all want me to click on an attachment to e-mail. I e-mailed asking him if he’d sent that message. He had not.

Even if you’re smart enough not to click on a trojan horse attachment yourself, one of friends on your address list may do so, your address will then be stolen, and off you go into underworld.