Indifference and Decompensation in Pathological NarcissismWritten by Sam Vaknin
The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not really interested in lives, emotions, needs, preferences, and hopes of people around him. Even his nearest and dearest are, to him, mere instruments of gratification. They require his undivided attention only when they "malfunction" - when they become disobedient, independent, or critical. He loses all interest in them if they cannot be "fixed" (for instance, when they are terminally ill). People find narcissist "cold", "inhuman", "heartless", "clueless", "robotic or machine-like".
Early on in life, narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. "It is not that I don't care about others" - he shrugs off his critics - "I am simply more level-headed, more resilient, more composed under pressure ... They mistake my equanimity for apathy."
The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his spouse's life, vocation, interests, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all freedom she can wish for!" - he protests - "I don't spy on her, follow her, or nag her with endless questions. I don't bother her. I let her lead her life way she sees fit and don't interfere in her affairs!". He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy.
All very commendable but when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies voidance of true love and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, physical) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a defense against his own thoroughly repressed feelings.
In rare moments of self-awareness, narcissist realizes that without his input - even in form of feigned emotions - people will abandon him. He then swings from cruel aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures intended to demonstrate "larger than life" nature of his sentiments. This bizarre pendulum only proves narcissist's inadequacy at maintaining adult relationships. It convinces no one and repels many.
Collected Unpaid Child Support Written by Detra Davis
There is nothing more discouraging than doing right thing and not getting credit for it. How many non-custodial parents are paying child support only to have it lost by a disbursement center that is under staffed and technologically inapt?
There is over $100 Billion in accumulated unpaid support owed to 18 million children in United States, according to The Federal Office of Child Support in Preliminary Statistics for 2003. Most states cannot explain existence of “undistributed funds” nor do they know to whom money rightfully belongs. The “undistributed funds” are created when non-custodial parents decide to make a check out to a child support agency or custodial parent and avoid putting a docket number or case number on check. It is honorable to pay child support. It is foolish to think that a check or money order made out incorrectly will get to intended custodial parent and child.
If you pay child support and you think state disbursement agency has not forwarded support funds to custodial parent, there are a few things you can do:
1. Request an audit of your child support case. You want to know where each and every penny has gone. 2. Keep a record of your child support payments whether there is a wage assignment and funds are automatically taken from your earnings or you pay custodial parent directly, document everything and keep all earning statements that detail deduction.