In My House, If It's Broken I Bought It

Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Often a store has a sign withrepparttar warning, "You break it, you bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handlingrepparttar 118087 merchandise.

I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all through my house. "If it's broken, I bought it." This is not to say everything in my house is broken, but to point out that everything has a breaking point. And, it's not to say I can't fix anything. I just can't fix anything that is broken.

A case in point; my easy chair.

A man's easy chair, especially mine, is control central of his world. My easy chair is so situated that I can easily access my entire world. Whoever inventedrepparttar 118088 easy chair must have been a genius, at least in my book.

Torepparttar 118089 left of my easy chair is a small stand with a light. On this stand rest various works in progress. I will admit some are in slow progress, but that'srepparttar 118090 way I like it. I can reach into this pile, pull out some work and spend a little time on it. Also on this stand is a well-stocked container of pens and pencils.

Someone in our house, and I will not mention any names, has suggested getting rid of this pile. There are times, and this is one of them, I do not pay attention to certain suggestions.

Torepparttar 118091 right of my easy chair are various items. I haverepparttar 118092 telephone,repparttar 118093 remote control and a variety of reference books, all within easy reach.

Atrepparttar 118094 foot of my easy chair leans a small notebook computer.

As you can see, my easy chair pulls my world together in a harmony of delightful reach-ability.

Recently, a situation developed with my easy chair. Last week as I sat in it, working on my computer, catching up with some work projects, I heard a funny sound.


I could not placerepparttar 118095 sound, so I ignored it. It'srepparttar 118096 manly thing to do. Whenever something happens I don't understand, I resort torepparttar 118097 old ignoring routine. Sometimes it'srepparttar 118098 only thing that really works. Then I heardrepparttar 118099 sound again.


This timerepparttar 118100 sound was much louder but before I could really do anything about it, I heardrepparttar 118101 sound forrepparttar 118102 third time.


Suddenly, my easy chair quivered. Then everything collapsed, and as I went free- falling, my whole life passed before my eyes. Fortunately, as it turned out, it was not my life but everything on my stand flipped inrepparttar 118103 air and came showering down on top of me. Papers, books,repparttar 118104 remote control and millions of pens and pencils smothered me in a heap of confusion.

For a brief moment, I did not know what happened, or where I was.


Written by Theolonius McTavish

Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2005

-- CASHING IN ON CANOODLING!-- ...Hmmm…is love really inrepparttar air ...or am I just running on fumes from my old jalopy?

- By Theolonius McTavish, a patently absurd roving reporter with oodles of time on his hands to engage in spurious shenanigans likes this one -

Relationship experts abound these days (sort of like mushrooms after a heavy rainfall). Is love really inrepparttar 118086 air ...or am I just running on fumes from my old jaolopy?

Move over Oprah and Dr. Phil!

At long last their luscious bit of lip has spread northward torepparttar 118087 "Land of Cold" (also home to a rather fine book entitled, “Sex inrepparttar 118088 Snow”, -- or allrepparttar 118089 facts you ever wanted to know about how Canucks frump inrepparttar 118090 hollyfuds in below zero temperatures).

Okay, so you’re not interested in fanciful “Frostyrepparttar 118091 Snowman” stories, icky “Ice Cream Queen” tales or “Santa Claus” (and his affair with an Abominable Person of Snow).

Since Cupid is onrepparttar 118092 loose, family and relationship therapists have decided it’s high time to cash in onrepparttar 118093 canoodling craze. They’re now offering free, 50-minute marriage check-ups from February 14-18 (during Valentine’s Week) in Victoria, British Columbia (which is incidentally alsorepparttar 118094 capital city ofrepparttar 118095 "Land of Flakes, Nuts, and Fruitcakes").

So, what might a customer expect from a therapeutic couples’ session? Perhaps, handy hints on how to maintain your one-size-fits-all vixen vehicle or slightly rusty pimp mobile? Or maybe how to avoid pratfalls and speed-bumps (or "sleeping policemen") during a romp throughrepparttar 118096 Tunnel of Love and aroundrepparttar 118097 Garden of Eden raceway?

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
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