Often a store has a sign with warning, "You break it, you bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handling merchandise.

I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all through my house. "If it's broken, I bought it." This is not to say everything in my house is broken, but to point out that everything has a breaking point. And, it's not to say I can't fix anything. I just can't fix anything that is broken.

A case in point; my easy chair.

A man's easy chair, especially mine, is control central of his world. My easy chair is so situated that I can easily access my entire world. Whoever invented easy chair must have been a genius, at least in my book.

To left of my easy chair is a small stand with a light. On this stand rest various works in progress. I will admit some are in slow progress, but that's way I like it. I can reach into this pile, pull out some work and spend a little time on it. Also on this stand is a well-stocked container of pens and pencils.

Someone in our house, and I will not mention any names, has suggested getting rid of this pile. There are times, and this is one of them, I do not pay attention to certain suggestions.

To right of my easy chair are various items. I have telephone, remote control and a variety of reference books, all within easy reach.

At foot of my easy chair leans a small notebook computer.

As you can see, my easy chair pulls my world together in a harmony of delightful reach-ability.

Recently, a situation developed with my easy chair. Last week as I sat in it, working on my computer, catching up with some work projects, I heard a funny sound.

B-O-I-N-G!

I could not place sound, so I ignored it. It's manly thing to do. Whenever something happens I don't understand, I resort to old ignoring routine. Sometimes it's only thing that really works. Then I heard sound again.

B-O-I-N-G!

This time sound was much louder but before I could really do anything about it, I heard sound for third time.

B-O-I-N-G!

Suddenly, my easy chair quivered. Then everything collapsed, and as I went free- falling, my whole life passed before my eyes. Fortunately, as it turned out, it was not my life but everything on my stand flipped in air and came showering down on top of me. Papers, books, remote control and millions of pens and pencils smothered me in a heap of confusion.

-- CASHING IN ON CANOODLING!-- ...Hmmm…is love really in air ...or am I just running on fumes from my old jalopy?

- By Theolonius McTavish, a patently absurd roving reporter with oodles of time on his hands to engage in spurious shenanigans likes this one -

Relationship experts abound these days (sort of like mushrooms after a heavy rainfall). Is love really in air ...or am I just running on fumes from my old jaolopy?

Move over Oprah and Dr. Phil!

At long last their luscious bit of lip has spread northward to "Land of Cold" (also home to a rather fine book entitled, “Sex in Snow”, -- or all facts you ever wanted to know about how Canucks frump in hollyfuds in below zero temperatures).

Okay, so you’re not interested in fanciful “Frosty Snowman” stories, icky “Ice Cream Queen” tales or “Santa Claus” (and his affair with an Abominable Person of Snow).

Since Cupid is on loose, family and relationship therapists have decided it’s high time to cash in on canoodling craze. They’re now offering free, 50-minute marriage check-ups from February 14-18 (during Valentine’s Week) in Victoria, British Columbia (which is incidentally also capital city of "Land of Flakes, Nuts, and Fruitcakes").