Improving Your Self EsteemWritten by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Often in our society, we are bombarded with lives of celebrities. We can end up feeling that if we are not part of rich and famous, our lives are insignificant. Our society also sends a message of competition and achievement. We watch sports, we always hear about profit and bottom line being dollar, we see large companies competing and constantly buying each other out. The result often is that we are taught to see how well we are doing, in terms of how pretty we are, how bright we are, what kind of house we have, how well we do in sports, what rewards we receive. However, in reality, these are external measures. Each of us needs to develop a sense of self-worth, a capacity for positive self-regard that comes from within. Here is an example: Sara was divorced and felt in many ways that she had shortchanged her two daughters, in sense that they lived on very little money. She could shower few luxuries on them. At times, in her therapy, she talked to me about feeling that she was not much good at anything. Her husband had been abusive both physically and mentally, and had put her down almost constantly. Although she no longer lived with him, inside of herself she still carried feelings of worthlessness. One day I asked her to review some of best moments in her childhood. She said, “I always loved when Uncle Sam used to come over, and we all sang songs.” I asked her if she did anything like that now, with her girls. She said that they often sang together in car. In fact, she had taught them many of songs that Uncle Sam had taught her. I asked her if she realized that she was offering her girls some of wonderful family memories that were unique to her as a child. She said she hadn't thought about it, but it was certainly true. During months of therapy, we worked again and again in recognizing many valuable aspects of herself. Needless to say, her self-esteem began to improve. Sara is an example for all of us, in sense that each person has to document his or her own positive talents and strengths.
| | Practical Ways to Bring Enchantment into Your LifeWritten by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
THE ENCHANTED SELF® teaches you how to access positive states of well being again and again. These positive states are unique to you and often reflect your interests, talents, and potential. I thought it would be fun to finally share with you some activities useful in helping you get in touch with your Enchanted Self. I hope you enjoy them and will let me know how they worked out by writing to me at encself@aol.com. 1. Relax and let your mind drift backward in time. Give yourself permission to drift back through your memory to a younger age. Let your intuition be your guide in choosing an appropriate age. Once you have chosen an age, imagine yourself in a room in one of homes of your childhood. Look at furniture, colors of room. Can you smell anything, any aromas of food cooking, or any other odors? Can you hear any noises, perhaps people talking? Is television on? What show might be on? Can you look out window from where you're sitting? What do you see? Jot down all positive thoughts and feelings that you associate with this memory on a piece of paper. Then make a list of all talents and positive capacities you had as a child. Thank about how you could link your positive traits from past forward to your present life. Don't get discouraged if you need to make changes in your present life. Changes can be positive, and there is always a way that you can successfully change, even if it is a little bit at a time. 2. Next, let's do an exercise geared to building your self-esteem, a necessary attribute to your Enchanted Self. Think about five positive statements that you can make about yourself. For example, you might say, "I am a most courteous and helpful person," or "I am always there for others, or "I can be trusted." Later on today, write down your five positive remarks about yourself. Put this piece of paper in your wallet or in your pocketbook. Read it to yourself at least once a day, for a period of one week. After a week, give yourself a mental hug, or some other form of congratulations, to emphasize to yourself how great it is that you have these positive traits. We all need practice in confirming what is good about ourselves. Seeing yourself in a positive light is a critical step in living a life of Enchantment.
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