I Wish I Would Have…

Written by Kenia Morales

I wish I would have... Does this phrase sound familiar? If it does then it means that you are wishing you would have done something differently in your past. Perhaps, you wish you would have concentrated on your education, becoming a successful actor/actress,repparttar greatest inventor ofrepparttar 134940 century.

I guess sometimes you may ask yourself: what happened, why my dream did not become true? I cannot give yourepparttar 134941 exact reason why you did not attain your goal. Remember everyone is different therefore, answers such as you never tried, you gave up too quickly, you needed more experience etc. will only apply to some individuals.

Healthy Grief, Unhealthy Grief

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

We all know that it is in one’s highest good to grieverepparttar loss of a relationship. Healthy grief releases feelings rather than allowing them to get stuck inrepparttar 134867 body. Healthy grief allowsrepparttar 134868 griever to healrepparttar 134869 loss and move on with life.

Yet grief is not always healing. Many of us have known people who were stuck in their grief, seemingly locked intorepparttar 134870 past and unable to move forward in their lives.

What isrepparttar 134871 difference between those who feel their grief and move on and those who get stuck in it? The difference lies in what they believe they have lost. When people believe they have lost their source of love, their grief will feel unending.

Gary had been in a three-year relationship with Samantha when Samantha decided to endrepparttar 134872 relationship. Gary was devastated. In this relationship, like in his past relationships, Gary was a taker – always trying to get love but unable to give love or share love. Samantha gave him a lot of love, but she often felt very lonely with him. Gary was devastated when she left because his source of love was gone. He was not grievingrepparttar 134873 loss of Samantha as a person he loved. He was grievingrepparttar 134874 loss of her love for him. He was grieving as a lost wounded child rather than as a loving adult.

As a result, Gary became stuck in his grief. He was stuck in feeling like a victim – stuck in “poor me.” Gary had never donerepparttar 134875 inner work to develop an adult part of himself that could bring love to himself and share it with others. He felt lost, abandoned, and hurt. No matter how much he cried, no healing occurred. Because he was abandoning himself, he just continued to feel alone and despairing. Sometimes he was angry at Samantha for abandoning him and other times he was angry at himself for not being a better partner. He had many regrets that plagued him, and a constant inner refrain was, “If only I had……” “If only I had listened to her more, maybe she wouldn’t have left.” If only I had told her how beautiful she is, maybe she wouldn’t have left.”

Frank, onrepparttar 134876 other hand, was in deep grief overrepparttar 134877 death of his beloved wife, Beth. He had loved Beth with his whole heart and he missed her terribly. Yet Frank’s grief was totally different than Gary’s grief. Frank missed Beth’s laugh. He missed her joy, her caring for people, her sense of wonder. He missed her as a person, and he missed being able to share his love with her. Frank had no regrets because he had not been a taker. He had loved Beth totally and was deeply grateful forrepparttar 134878 time he had with her. But Frank was actually fine. His grief came in waves, and he cried when it came. Then it washed through and he was fine again.

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