I Want a Cold!

Written by Chuck Smith

"Honey, can I have a cup of lemon tea," my wife asked merepparttar other day. Normally, my wife doesn't ask me to do anything, knowing my laziness has no bounds. But my wife had a cold - a very bad cold.

For most illnesses, my wife would just "suck it up" and get her cute little behind out of bed, fully realizing that nothing would get done aroundrepparttar 118275 house without her. But today, she was lingering beneathrepparttar 118276 bed covers. That's how I knew she was really sick.

My wife is tougher than Randall "Tex" Cobb on his best day (and for those of you who don't know who Randall "Tex" Cobb is - shame on you!). Her finely developed sense of martyrdom compels her to force herself into activity, even inrepparttar 118277 face ofrepparttar 118278 killer cold. Beingrepparttar 118279 caring husband that I am (and not wanting her germs spread throughrepparttar 118280 entire house), I suggested she stay in bed.

So, even though it was a Sunday, which is a very inconvenient day for her to be sick (because I usually park my large, ugly behind on my favorite chair and watch TV all day), I knew I would have to "suck it up" and do something feared by most men. Parenting.

For me, watchingrepparttar 118281 kids for an entire day is nothing short of exhausting. Andrepparttar 118282 kids don't seem to want to make it any easier for me. You'd think they'd just sit there and watch TV all day, like Daddy.

But no. They want me to feed them. I made my first blunder by asking what they wanted to eat. "Pancakes," shouted my daughter. "Buttery eggs," shouted my son. "How about cereal?" shouted Daddy. Unfortunately, since I'd already maderepparttar 118283 mistake of asking, I was trapped.

Lucky for me, my wife hasrepparttar 118284 good sense to purchase microwave pancakes and egg beaters just for these kinds of emergencies. I was saved from forcing Cocoa Puffs downrepparttar 118285 kids' throats, and after getting most ofrepparttar 118286 dishes intorepparttar 118287 sink, I tried to sit down and watch TV withrepparttar 118288 kids.

"I want to watch Nickelodeon," griped my son. "I want to watchrepparttar 118289 Disney Channel," moaned my daughter. "I want to watch ESPN," I whined. Right away, they knew to ignore me. So it became a contest of evenly matched opponents.




We have rules for everything from grammar and spelling to traffic and behavior. The Internet is becoming 'ruled' as well. You become a SPA'MMER if you solicit your wares without permission. You are YELLING if you use capital letters to send your message and you are rude and inconsiderate if you expose your email list to everyone in your mailbox when you forward a little ditty or two.

Now I am convinced that everyone also had rules atrepparttar dinner table. Your Mom taught you etiquette! She told you to wash your hands before dinner. Didn't she tell you to keep your elbows offrepparttar 118274 table and put your napkin on your lap and not to talk with food in your mouth? My Mom was not a socialite or Miss Manners by any means but these table RULES were taught early on. The first and most important one in my book was not to blow your nose atrepparttar 118275 table. It sounds so disgusting; why would anyone do so anyway?

Restaurants have rules. Some don't take checks.

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