"Honey, can I have a cup of lemon tea," my wife asked me other day. Normally, my wife doesn't ask me to do anything, knowing my laziness has no bounds. But my wife had a cold - a very bad cold.
For most illnesses, my wife would just "suck it up" and get her cute little behind out of bed, fully realizing that nothing would get done around house without her. But today, she was lingering beneath bed covers. That's how I knew she was really sick.
My wife is tougher than Randall "Tex" Cobb on his best day (and for those of you who don't know who Randall "Tex" Cobb is - shame on you!). Her finely developed sense of martyrdom compels her to force herself into activity, even in face of killer cold. Being caring husband that I am (and not wanting her germs spread through entire house), I suggested she stay in bed.
So, even though it was a Sunday, which is a very inconvenient day for her to be sick (because I usually park my large, ugly behind on my favorite chair and watch TV all day), I knew I would have to "suck it up" and do something feared by most men. Parenting.
For me, watching kids for an entire day is nothing short of exhausting. And kids don't seem to want to make it any easier for me. You'd think they'd just sit there and watch TV all day, like Daddy.
But no. They want me to feed them. I made my first blunder by asking what they wanted to eat. "Pancakes," shouted my daughter. "Buttery eggs," shouted my son. "How about cereal?" shouted Daddy. Unfortunately, since I'd already made mistake of asking, I was trapped.
Lucky for me, my wife has good sense to purchase microwave pancakes and egg beaters just for these kinds of emergencies. I was saved from forcing Cocoa Puffs down kids' throats, and after getting most of dishes into sink, I tried to sit down and watch TV with kids.
"I want to watch Nickelodeon," griped my son. "I want to watch Disney Channel," moaned my daughter. "I want to watch ESPN," I whined. Right away, they knew to ignore me. So it became a contest of evenly matched opponents.