I Found Love at a Online Dating SiteWritten by Ken Katz
Over past few years, I discovered a few personality traits about myself that I wanted to change. When it comes to relationships I have had a hard time changing. I am stubborn. And, I don't like change. Sometimes, when you are set in your ways, change is hard.
Finding love has always been hard for me. I think I had found that special woman that I will wanted to spend rest of my life with, but then bubble would burst. I discovered that what I wanted from relationship and what I actually had was vastly different. Probably my expectations were too high. I just wanted love, to be loved and to share my life with a special person. The women I tend to fall in love with tend to have different ideas. Some of women wanted to be supported, some seemed to just want a friend and then some really didn't know what they really want.
I found that I tended to stay in relationship too long. I didn't leave when I knew I should. I did this because I always had hoped that relationship would change for better. I had discovered that this is a false hope and never got better.
My problem is that I am was easy. What people call a pushover. It probably is a combination of low self esteem, shyness and having a really easy personality. I try to take life in stride. Even though I think I know what is happening, it is still really easy to take advantage of me.
My love life had gotten so bad that after my last relationship I decided I never wanted another relationship again. I was finished with this search that I have been told from childhood. It was fantasy that I must seek and find right woman to share a life with, to support and take care of. I came to believe that that was "garbage" advice. I would take care of these woman buy they never gave back to me.
But, Internet dating has helped me slowly understand and change my personality traits. I have registered with a few online dating sites that I had researched on Google and found on dating site directories. I did not go to to big boys, like eHarmony or Match. I stayed with smaller sites, to learn and get comfortable with this new form of finding a companion.
I first started with a dating site, which is now out of business, because it had a forum area. In evenings after work I would go and log into forum to meet new people. I met both men and woman and many had similar experiences to me. I felt comfortable, because, I was anonymous, and could make myself known only when I wanted. I guess this is shyness in me. I then moved onto another site I found on Google and sounded fun. It turned out to be a good decision.
Motivation to change, why is it so hard?Written by Lynne Dean
We encounter constant changes throughout our life; it could be educational, health, relationships or financial, and of course with oneself. Maintaining or increasing one’s sense of self-worth and happiness are strong incentives for these changes.
Too often trials and errors affect our self-esteem and therefore hinder true engagement in learning and changing. It’s very comforting to have a routine, and very frightening to go forward to unknown. Its takes courage and determination. This is nothing new. You have done it before, perhaps not deliberately but you have gone through many changes during your life.
Change is stressful. No doubt about it. Why not make it as stressless as possible? Try to consider following:
Uderstand intentions, motivations, and desires of your new endeavours. Acknowledge strengths and constraint it will bring. Allow yourself to take risks and not to take any fall back personally. Remember trials and errors are part of learning and being alive.
Compel to understand, to appreciate one’s feelings, fears and motivations; be sure to use such information to better your life. Use this information to guide your thinking and action.
Let go of negative thoughts, integrate new ideas with what you already know and use new information to move forward. Be flexible, allow for new and different ways to achieve your goal, it might bring you different opportunities at end. Why not supply yourself with options. Have some contingencies as backup plans, it will calm down this feeling of vulnerability.
Unfortunately too often as adults we want to do everything ourselves…mistakes. We are not alone; tons of people have been through changes, often similar to ours; seek and accept support from others. They experienced it, they might know something you haven’t’ thought about. Give it a try.