I Am Healthy By Kay Kopit It is amazing to be able to say that! I will say it again, “I am a whole, happy, healthy, loving woman.” I was sick for first 40 years of my life. Like millions of other human beings I grew up immersed in family disease of alcoholism. For generations it has plagued my family. The unbalanced life I led is so common in our society; I didn’t know anything was wrong. I was a participant in chaos, confusion, neuroses, pain and suffering, which is present in dysfunctional families. I call it The Dance of Death.

I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri in community of Clayton. The only memories I have of my father are when he would beat my brother and me with his belt so severely my clothes would cling to bloody strap marks on my legs. He would make us wait for our “punishment” in our room before he dealt ugly blows. My mother closed her eyes to what was happening. Both of them partied on weekends where I would find empty highball glasses scattered all over living room. I had holes in soles of my shoes while my mother would model a new diamond cocktail ring, winnings from a weekly poker game. My dad was also a compulsive gambler. He died at age of 45 when I was nine years old.

My mother attracted another alcoholic to her life soon after my father’s death. They had a symbiotic, codependent and alcoholic relationship. Every ten days they would consume a case of scotch, which was delivered to our apartment from local liquor store. My mother never appeared drunk but she was distant, selfish and narcissistic. My stepfather’s disease had progressed to point he was visibly drunk most evenings. His attitude was condescending, nasty and self-righteous. He was verbally abusive and drove his car while intoxicated on many occasions. When I think back to that period of my history I remember keeping my personal life secret!!! I was ashamed of their behavior. I pretended all was well and I began developing neurotic habits for self-preservation.

In my teens I danced several days after school, participated in theater groups, worked in a department store and had creative life in my head. I imagined way I wanted my world to be and was in denial as to truth in front of me. I became obsessive, compulsive and an over achiever. Because I worked so hard I accomplished a lot for a young girl but reality was it was inspired by fear, insecurity and a need for control.

If you answer "yes" to three or more of questions below it's a good bet you need to get your life organized and put an end to being stressed out a good deal of time. Do you find yourself feeling frustrated that you never have enough time to do things you really enjoy?

1. Do you go through most of week feeling hurried, hassled, out of control? 2. Are there any flat surfaces still visible around your house or office? 3. Or are they covered with piles of newspapers, unread magazines, junkmail, and other papers you are just about to get to? 4. When you need to find something, does it often take minutes or hours of searching to finally find it? 5. Do you have files that bulge or have nothing in them?