Written by B. Blitterlees & E. Craboon

Copyright "The Quipping Queen" 2005.

CALENDAR OF ODD EVENTS - JAN. 2005 -- Eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in January 2005 --

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon

January is, to put it bluntly, a bit of a merry-impaired month as far asrepparttar Gregorian calendar is concerned.

Withrepparttar 118107 ho-ho-ho season gone...things start all over again.

The origin of January comes from "Janus",repparttar 118108 god with two faces, one onrepparttar 118109 front of his head, and one onrepparttar 118110 back. He'srepparttar 118111 guardian of gateways and of beginnings. So now we know who to blame forrepparttar 118112 ridiculous New Year's resolution ritual.

Brain cell exercises aside, there are simpler if not slothful ways to get throughrepparttar 118113 first month of winter -- by yawning or humming not to mention less taxing titillations such as twiddling one's thumbs and wiggling one's ears.

For those who share an abiding interest in mild merriment, modest mirth and marvellous morsels of muddle -- this month has your name on it.

So, without further adieu -- here are some upcoming odd occasions to add to your "to do" list and eccentric events to celebrate on your January calendar.

Note: The funnybone-impaired should proceed with caution as excessive giggling, glad-handing, and gleams inrepparttar 118114 eye are known to cause gregarious gleeful behavior which your gloom and doom family members and friends may not understand or appreciate.


1. NATIONAL NUDE NICK DAY (in honor of Hogmany, Hogwash & Horsefeathers)

2. HOPS N' SCOTCH DAY (in honor of hung-over heffalumps)

3. BURPING, BELCHING & BREAKING WIND DAY (yup, another survival-of-the-fittest contest)

4. LITTLE LEFT OVERS DAY (dedicated to long-forgotten things inrepparttar 118115 refrigerator)

5. PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY DAY (a fine way to restore hope inrepparttar 118116 life of Eeyores)

6. HUG A HIPPOGRIFF (a mythical beast named "Bucktooth" is waiting for you atrepparttar 118117 petting zoo!)

7. CAPRICORN AWARENESS DAY (are you sure you're ready to "get someone's goat"?)

8. BROWN-NOSING DAY (this is your chance to fawn and flatter your way to success)

9. TOUCH TONE TUNE DAY(time to be creative and compose a song using your telephone keypad)

10. PET ROCK RECOGNITION DAY (in honor of boisterous boulders, scintillating stones, and ribald rocks)


Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

One item topping my list of New Year's resolutions could potentially alter my life, as I now know it. And it has to do with my relationship torepparttar Gracious Mistress ofrepparttar 118106 Parsonage.

I'm not inferring any trouble in paradise these days; I wouldn't know if there was trouble, anyway. Nevertheless, I think my relationship to her could improve 100 percent which needs a foolproof plan. Being a certified fool, all I need is a plan.

Back in October,repparttar 118107 folks atrepparttar 118108 church we serve sent my wife and me to St. Augustine as a gift fromrepparttar 118109 congregation. It was a delightful surprise. We never tire of spending time inrepparttar 118110 Ancient City.

One negative aspect torepparttar 118111 whole plan, no provision was made for our return. However, to quote Martha Stewart, I told my congregation, "I'll be back."

Nothing is more relaxing than taking off for a few days of reading, writing and just plain goofing off. I haverepparttar 118112 latter down to a science. At least that's what my wife tells me, and no one has ever accused her of lying.

It did not take us long to pack a few things in a suitcase and head for our mini-vacation.

We arrived at one of our favorite motels, registered atrepparttar 118113 front desk and quickly went to our room and unpacked all our things. For me unpacking meant unlockingrepparttar 118114 door, walking inside and throwing myself onrepparttar 118115 bed. It doesn't take me long unwind.

However,repparttar 118116 Gracious Mistress ofrepparttar 118117 Parsonage takes more time and effort to get intorepparttar 118118 vacation spirit. She has to unloadrepparttar 118119 car, unpackrepparttar 118120 suitcases, cleanrepparttar 118121 motel room, and make sure we have enough towels and washcloths.

I got tired just watching her go through her routine. In fact, it was so bad I had to leaverepparttar 118122 room and go out torepparttar 118123 pool.

Three hours later, I returned torepparttar 118124 room and found her sitting onrepparttar 118125 bed, watching TV.

"Aha," I said as I entered inrepparttar 118126 room, "I see you're finally inrepparttar 118127 vacation spirit." And so our mini-vacation was under way, full steam ahead.

Stretching out before us were five days of unrelenting loafing. We decided to make a game of it. We were going to see who could loafrepparttar 118128 best during our week.

I assumed I hadrepparttar 118129 edge on this game. After all, I've had more experience with loafing than my wife. I forget whatrepparttar 118130 prize was but it seems to me it had something to do with serving breakfast in bed torepparttar 118131 winner.

The chief object ofrepparttar 118132 game was control ofrepparttar 118133 TV remote control. The rule stated, at least my wife told me it did, you could not takerepparttar 118134 remote out ofrepparttar 118135 other person's hand. I agreed torepparttar 118136 rules ofrepparttar 118137 game andrepparttar 118138 game was afoot.

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