Written by B. Blitterlees & E. Craboon

Copyright "The Quipping Queen" 2005.

IT'S FUNKY FEBRUARY OF COURSE! (Calendar of Odd Events for - FEBRUARY 2005)

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon --

Why is everyone so happy?

Because it's festive, flirtatious and frolicking February of course -- ahem ...the shortest month ofrepparttar year. So find yourself some frisky fortune cookies and have fun!!

Merry-making males better beware, because who knows when all those feisty females will cash in their "frequent flubber" cards, (you know,repparttar 118099 ones with little red hearts all over them.) Byrepparttar 118100 way, toss those Twinkies all you Princes of Pucker Power!!!

Aquarians will need to put down their personal diaries for a moment and listen (which is a difficult task for warter-carriers like you). Say, aren't yourepparttar 118101 rainbow-inspired, paragliding, Uranus folk with weird friends who get a real kick out of telling others what needs to be done? Oh do stop gloating, it doesn't become you. And yes, we all know it’s now your turn to runrepparttar 118102 zodiac! (Thank God it's only for a month!)

Onrepparttar 118103 other hand, if you’re a ridiculous rooster or heartbroken hen-pecker with a touch of barnyard blues, you’re probably relieved to know that your twelve-year cycle inrepparttar 118104 Chinese astrological calendar has finally arrived. (Oh whoopee-ding for everyone else!)

And, if you were just waking up after a long winter nap likerepparttar 118105 groundhog, you’d just as soon hitrepparttar 118106 frigging snooze alarm button, and grab a bit more shut-eye before facing a wild bunch of cavorting Cupids on Valentine’s Day!

So, without further adieu…here’s what you can do to keep yourself tickled pink forrepparttar 118107 entire month of February:

February 1: INTERNATIONAL DAYDREAMING DAY (time to see who can gaze vacantly into spacerepparttar 118108 longest …while listening to a long-winded lecture or munching on molecules)

February 2: HUG A GROUNDHOG DAY (time to pressrepparttar 118109 flesh with grunt and groan types who seem to spend most of their time inrepparttar 118110 barnyard of life chasing their own shadows -- and check out what Wiaraton Willie has to say for himself)

February 3: AQUARIUS HERITAGE DAY (beware of water carrying geniuses eating unusual food and are a tad independent, mentally odd, tactless, or eccentric for their own good)

February 4: NATIONAL 'PASS THE BUCK' DAY (a wonderful way to honor those who are forever delegating dirty jobs to other poor souls lower downrepparttar 118111 food chain of life)

February 5: WHOOP-DE-D00 DAY (get ready to build sandcastles inrepparttar 118112 air, draw outsiderepparttar 118113 lines, and share your favorite wind-up toys with other grown-up kids at work)

February 6: DING DONG AWARENESS DAY (time to remember when you last invited a bible-thumper or political candidate into your home to discussrepparttar 118114 future of grommets)

February 7: ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM APPRECIATION DAY (in honor of all sorts of big bogies or couch critters we ignore, and we’d just as soon others did too please!)

February 8: GET THEE TO A MUMMERY DAY (time to dress up and pantomime or lip-sync your all-time favorite celebrity or perhaps a cartoon character if you’re really in a pinch)

February 9: COCK-0'-THE WALK DAY (your frisky fortune cookie says it's time to pay tribute to allrepparttar 118115 red roosters you know who are brave, motivated, proud, romantic, and a tad blunt ...if truth be told )

How To Have An Argument With Yourself And Win

Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Throughoutrepparttar years, I'm happy to report, I have learned a thing or two about myself. My only regret is I have not learned more than a few things.

I could make a long list of things I have not yet learned in life. My hope is, of course, to shorten this list drastically. Presently, I want to zero in on one thing I have learned, which has stood me in good stead for many years; how to have an argument with yourself and win.

I once thought I could argue with my Significant Other and win. It took years to realize (1) women, wives in particular, do not argue like men.

(2) Even if I win, I lose, if you know what I mean.

In light of this important marital lore, I have long since ceased arguing withrepparttar 118098 Gracious Mistress ofrepparttar 118099 Parsonage.

When sitting in my easy chair, minding my own business, and my wife flies aroundrepparttar 118100 corner and stands in front of me with both hands firmly placed on her hips, I immediately say, "It's my fault, Honey, I did it and I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."

I don't even try figuring out what I did wrong.

Because of this, I have focused on arguing with myself. It is, if I may say so, an art that takes years to master. The key to arguing with yourself and winning is having a good relationship with yourself. This in itself may take years to accomplish and some people, unfortunately, never achieve this in their lifetime.

Let me illustrate something that occurred this week.

A friend for over 35 years contacted me about his granddaughter living inrepparttar 118101 area and wondered if I might have some time to visit her. Naturally, I said I would be delighted.

I found her address and my wife and I stopped in several times without success. We stopped inrepparttar 118102 morning, inrepparttar 118103 afternoon and inrepparttar 118104 evening, but we never found her at home.

Then we had a breakthrough; we discovered she was working at a local restaurant. Within a few days, we stopped byrepparttar 118105 restaurant for lunch and requested her table.

She waited on us, took our order, brought our lunch and was a very gracious and wonderful waitress. We didn't want to intrude, so we just had lunch and went home.

This past week I had some errands on that side of town, so I decided to drop in for lunch and introduce myself. It was one of those days whenrepparttar 118106 traffic was dreadful.

As usual, I was running a little late with my schedule. I happened to look at my gas gauge and noticed I was on empty.

I did a little mental calculation and discovered enough money on my person for gas or lunch, but not both. My credit card, attached to my checking account, was "filthy-lucre-challenged" atrepparttar 118107 time.

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
Terms of Use