Written by Beatrice Blitterless & Earl Craboon

Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.

IT’S ADDLEPATED APRIL AGAIN! -- Or, time for feather-brained folk to have some fun! --

**Compiled by Leady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon

April is one of those months that most pithy people would rather forget. After all, it’srepparttar only month that starts off on a “foolish footing”.

The good news is that fops, (who more often than not put their foot in their mouths as opposed to someone else’s), have only one day a year to celebraterepparttar 118065 folly of mankind.

The bad news is that anyone who adores linear thinking will be in for a rough ride this month.

Soothsayers usually have fun with April because they often predict thatrepparttar 118066 sky will fall without warning, (or at a minimum rain cats and dogs).

As if that’s not enough, some bloke with precious little to do decided it was high time to turn all clocks backwards (for Daylight Savings Time).

So, if you’re looking for an excuse to engage in a bit of eclectic entertainment, you hitrepparttar 118067 right month of quintessentially quirky things to do.


1.APRIL FOOLS’ DAY (Toss your troubles away, don your dunce cap, and let your “Inner Fool” loose atrepparttar 118068 1st Annual Feast of Fools to be held in your city)

2. NO-NO DAY (Yippy, haul out all those tacky tank-tops and tasteless t-shirts hiding in your closet from your last trip throughrepparttar 118069 Tunnel of Love or torepparttar 118070 Jungle Gym playground)

3. COCKAMAMIE CLOCK APPRECIATION DAY (Okay, all you daring digital dweebs get to run aroundrepparttar 118071 place and change every frigging clock forward one hour)

4. GET-A-LIFE-DAY (Time to listen/watch your favorite guilt-inducing motivational music tape guaranteed to cure couch potatoes, sensitive sloths and desperate housewives)

5.WIGGLE YOUR NOSE & WOBBLE WALK RECOGNITION DAY (Use these valuable interpersonal skills before someone else really important discovers them)

6.ADDLEHEAD APPRECIATION DAY – (Who says being a confused, witless, feather-brained foghorn doesn’t make a vital contribution torepparttar 118072 world of wonk?)

7.HOKEY-POKEY DANCE DAY (Thank goodness there’s a festive occasion for pugilistic people with two left feet and a third eye inrepparttar 118073 middle of their foreheads)

8.LOOSE LIP APPRECIATION DAY (Time to tell a humongous yet harmless hoodwinking tale about an affable “Velcrow Vixen" or Vladrepparttar 118074 Impaler” you once knew)

9.DUMB QUESTIONS DAY (Love those ice-breakers like: “My boomerang won’t come back, have you seen it? Or, can you tell me what flavor of toothpaste dogs like?”)

10.CUP OF CROCK DAY (Namerepparttar 118075 best source of “hornswaggle” in your town)

11.AGELAST AWARENESS DAY (Time to recognize those sad sacks in your life who never fail to laugh last, orrepparttar 118076 ones who couldn’t laugh if their life depended on it)

12.SNAPPING FINGER DAY (This is time well-spent on honingrepparttar 118077 fine art of getting prompt attention from people called door-openers, head-waiters, and valets)

13.CUT & PASTE DAY (Bring all your funky flyers, a sharp pair of scissors, and a big pot of glue to work today; it’s quirky cut-and-paste collage time again, yippee!!)

14.OPENING PANDORA’S BOX DAY (Warning: Wearing protective devices is probably wise move, especially if you haven’t seenrepparttar 118078 contents ofrepparttar 118079 blessed box lately)

Guys Love What Women Don't

Written by Ed Williams

Remember last week’s column when I talked about that annoying little habit women have of wanting to eat food off a man’s plate when they’re out with one of us at a restaurant? Well, I had a certain lady write me an email in response, and she told me that she somewhat agreed with me re what I was saying, but, added that it really didn’t matter too much as, “...getting upset about us eating food off a man’s plate is strictly a guy’s thing. It‘s no big deal to us.”

A guy’s thing. I’ve heard that terminology since back in high school when I first started dating. What it refers to isrepparttar fact that there are just some things that men like that women don’t. Those little things that separaterepparttar 118064 sexes, and make them what they are. And, after thinking for a good twenty seconds, I’m gonna be kind enough to list what some ofrepparttar 118065 major “guy’s things” are:

1. The Three Stooges - For some unknown reason, guys loverepparttar 118066 Stooges and women don’t. What’s not to love? They exhibited some ofrepparttar 118067 greatest physical comedy ever, and some of their sayings were priceless. Remember some of these routines:

Curly: “Whatja say?”

Moe: *gives Curly a two-finger eye poke*

Curly: “That’s what I thought ya said.”


Shemp: (Looking into a mirror) “There I yam - and as pretty as a picture.”

Moe: “Yeah. Of an ape.” (Then slaps Shemp hard).

Isn’t that great? I’ll bet lots of you guys out there are laughing out loud. Onrepparttar 118068 other hand, I’ll bet that most of you ladies are saying, “I just don’t get it, I never thoughtrepparttar 118069 Stooges were all that funny.” This is a great first example of a “guy’s thing.” But there’s plenty more.

2. Mountain Dew - Diet Mountain Dew is my favorite soft drink inrepparttar 118070 world. I love its mellow, citrus based taste, and it has more caffeine in it than any other soft drink. But, what I’ve discovered is, try offering one to a woman. For some unknown reason, experience has taught me that eight out of ten women will turn a Mountain Dew down, saying, “I just don’t like it.” What’s not to like? It tastes good, keeps you awake, and it looksrepparttar 118071 same leaving your body as when it went in. A totally useful product.

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