IS YOUR INNER CRITIC WORKING OVER-TIME?Written by Rhoberta Shaler
Do you have an Inner Critic who seems to always be on duty? It is that voice that sounds so sure and authoritative as it tears at your self-esteem and whittles away at your self-confidence. You can actually look spectacular, healthy and fit and it will fixate on part of your body you like least. Sound familiar?
It is not exact words that this voice utters that matter. It is quality of energy behind words...and it is often not positive. Interestingly enough, voice is usually not telling truth. In fact, it is not even close to being based in reality. It is such a strange phenomenon. A hundred people could tell you that you look terrific today, and that one lonely, miserable Inner Critic can cause you to decide that all one hundred of those folks are wrong! When you look at it that way, it seems ludicrous, doesn't it?
Let me tell you a story from my own life. From time I was nine years old, I was told that I needed to diet, change, do more, do less, reach, settle, conform, stretch. The message from my folks was that no matter what I did I would never be good enough. Sound familiar again? Once I was an adult, content of that message shifted from my weight to my career and mothering ability, but outcome was same--no matter what I did I would never be good enough. If I paid attention to my career--and, as a single mother of three, there was no choice if we wanted to eat--my parents insisted that I was not giving my children enough of my time. If I paid attention to my children, I was wasting my life being a mother. What a Catch-22! My parents were invested in control. Making it impossible for me to "win" allowed them to think they were in control. Fortunately, I saw their game when I was seventeen and gave their opinions less weight than they thought. Or, at least, that is what I thought!
WHEN YOU SEE REDWritten by Rhoberta Shaler
When you are feeling angry at someone, what do you do? Do you know how to express your feelings in ways that are clear and assertive? Many folks don't. For that reason, one of two things happens: they hold anger in, and, as we all know, it sneaks out in strange and often inappropriate ways, or, they explode and scatter their unhappiness over everyone, perhaps, destroying relationships on way! Neither of these are healthy alternatives.
Anger is an arousal in body that is triggered by frustration, fear or hurt. As that arousal escalates, your body goes into stress response. When that arousal raises your heart rate to about 120 to 150 beats per minute, blood from frontal lobes of your brain, centers of reason and logic, drains down to protect your vital organs. This is not good news. Why? Because more angry you become, more unable you are to think clearly! You have probably experienced that. Just when you are at your loudest, wanting to deal death blow to prove your righteous position, you cannot think. Then, you often say one of best things you'll ever regret! Right?
When body goes into arousal, notice. If you are talking to someone at time, think. It is important to your well-being and health of your