Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

One item topping my list of New Year's resolutions could potentially alter my life, as I now know it. And it has to do with my relationship torepparttar Gracious Mistress ofrepparttar 118106 Parsonage.

I'm not inferring any trouble in paradise these days; I wouldn't know if there was trouble, anyway. Nevertheless, I think my relationship to her could improve 100 percent — which needs a foolproof plan. Being a certified fool, all I need is a plan.

Back in October,repparttar 118107 folks atrepparttar 118108 church we serve sent my wife and me to St. Augustine as a gift fromrepparttar 118109 congregation. It was a delightful surprise. We never tire of spending time inrepparttar 118110 Ancient City.

One negative aspect torepparttar 118111 whole plan, no provision was made for our return. However, to quote Martha Stewart, I told my congregation, "I'll be back."

Nothing is more relaxing than taking off for a few days of reading, writing and just plain goofing off. I haverepparttar 118112 latter down to a science. At least that's what my wife tells me, and no one has ever accused her of lying.

It did not take us long to pack a few things in a suitcase and head for our mini-vacation.

We arrived at one of our favorite motels, registered atrepparttar 118113 front desk and quickly went to our room and unpacked all our things. For me unpacking meant unlockingrepparttar 118114 door, walking inside and throwing myself onrepparttar 118115 bed. It doesn't take me long unwind.

However,repparttar 118116 Gracious Mistress ofrepparttar 118117 Parsonage takes more time and effort to get intorepparttar 118118 vacation spirit. She has to unloadrepparttar 118119 car, unpackrepparttar 118120 suitcases, cleanrepparttar 118121 motel room, and make sure we have enough towels and washcloths.

I got tired just watching her go through her routine. In fact, it was so bad I had to leaverepparttar 118122 room and go out torepparttar 118123 pool.

Three hours later, I returned torepparttar 118124 room and found her sitting onrepparttar 118125 bed, watching TV.

"Aha," I said as I entered inrepparttar 118126 room, "I see you're finally inrepparttar 118127 vacation spirit." And so our mini-vacation was under way, full steam ahead.

Stretching out before us were five days of unrelenting loafing. We decided to make a game of it. We were going to see who could loafrepparttar 118128 best during our week.

I assumed I hadrepparttar 118129 edge on this game. After all, I've had more experience with loafing than my wife. I forget whatrepparttar 118130 prize was but it seems to me it had something to do with serving breakfast in bed torepparttar 118131 winner.

The chief object ofrepparttar 118132 game was control ofrepparttar 118133 TV remote control. The rule stated, at least my wife told me it did, you could not takerepparttar 118134 remote out ofrepparttar 118135 other person's hand. I agreed torepparttar 118136 rules ofrepparttar 118137 game andrepparttar 118138 game was afoot.


Written by Patience Pantperhog

Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.


By Patience Pantperhog

Today’s modern workplace is awash in buzzwords, bafflegab, and all manner of blessed bumpf to wade through or digest over a morning latte with a dab of whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top.

The never-ending drive to increase profits means employees everywhere must hunker down with their noses torepparttar grindstone or else hustle their bustles outrepparttar 118105 door every day in search of new business.

So, it's not surprising to hear some strange murmurings emanating from boardrooms and bosses' officesrepparttar 118106 world over not to mentionrepparttar 118107 odd cubicle and cubby-hole or two.

Rest assured, these verbal vaunts and zippy zingers likely have never seenrepparttar 118108 light of day. But, if by chance those walls really did have's a saucy sampling of what might be heard:

-- "Love your color-coordinated blue and red spandex bodysuit with sparkling smiley face cape ... but we don't hire “yes-people” in this company."

-- "My doctor told me I had an infinitesimal brain, do you have any openings for a low-maintenance plant to decorate your lobby?"

-- "It’s “Casual Friday”, so by all means wear your fishnet-stockings, leather leggings or even loincloths if you wish."

-- "George, I know we need to celebrate “2005 - The Year ofrepparttar 118109 Rooster” ...but frankly we’ve got too many frigging cock-a-doodle-dos in this barnyard already!"

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