Hungry For Overkill

Written by David Leonhardt

I don't have much time to watch television. Beingrepparttar lazy person that I am, I usually let other people inrepparttar 118225 family do my watching for me.

But some events are just so important that I have to watch them myself. Such wasrepparttar 118226 case withrepparttar 118227 finals of this year's American Idol. The space shuttle Columbia crash in Texas earlier inrepparttar 118228 year was another event that (sadly) I just had to watch. And I certainly did not want to missrepparttar 118229 thrill of seeingrepparttar 118230 America's Cup sail into Switzerland.

Of course, I regularly turn onrepparttar 118231 tube whenever a George Bush invades Iraq. Hopefully, this one will soon finish invading; my electricity bill is suffering.

The latest must-see event isrepparttar 118232 Michael Jackson arrest, an event of such momentous importance that all news shows, gossip shows, comedy shows and just about everybody else is offering wall-to-wall coverage. It has been estimated that 37% ofrepparttar 118233 American population has been interviewed byrepparttar 118234 media for their inside-knowledge of "the pop superstar's" personal life.

So I was most shocked when I flipped to a channel that was not helping me track downrepparttar 118235 most fascinating intimate details and most intriguing and succulent minutiae of all things Michael Jackson.

"What?!" I demanded. "This is impossible. What is this trash?"

"That's Touched by an Angel," my wife offered. "It's one of your favorite shows."

"That's no excuse," I blustered. "The network should be hot onrepparttar 118236 Jackson case. How could this be? I'm callingrepparttar 118237 cable company to complain."

"But dear ..." my wife tried to interrupt.

"It's no use," I insisted as I dialed. "My mind is made up. Don't try to stop me."

"But dear ..." my wife tried to interrupt me again.

"I am sorry. There is simply no excuse for airing pure entertainment when there are important details about Michael Jackson to be uncovered."

That's the Christmas spirit

Written by David Leonhardt

Last Christmas, Uncle Albert promised his neighbor, Wilson, to find a way to keeprepparttar Christmas spirit alive all year. You know, just like Wilson and everybody else wishes people each year.

Yesterday I was checking my calendar. "Holy smokes! It's almost Christmas. I better check to see if Uncle Albert found a way to keeprepparttar 118224 Christmas spirit alive all year."

So I put on my boots and buttoned up my jacket. I dashed outrepparttar 118225 door.

I came back intorepparttar 118226 house to put on a scarf. And some gloves. And a hat. And my long-johns. I filled uprepparttar 118227 thermos with hot chocolate and dug out a pair of ear muffs. "Yup. That'srepparttar 118228 Christmas spirit," I thought as I headed out once more, trying to keep my head aboverepparttar 118229 snow.

When I reached Uncle Albert's, I could tell something was different. I wasn't sure quite what, but I suspect it had something to do withrepparttar 118230 large red and gold sleigh parked in his driveway.

"Say, Uncle Albert. What's withrepparttar 118231 sleigh?"

"You like it, Happy Guy? That's part of my Christmas spirit," he enthused.

"It is?"

"Of course. Riding in a one-horse open sleigh. Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? All that shtick." he smiled.

"You think that's how to keeprepparttar 118232 Christmas spirit alive all year?"

"That's justrepparttar 118233 beginning," he said as he lit up a candle. "I've cancelled my electricity."

"But why?"

"Have you ever heard of a Christmas carol with electricity?" Uncle Albert asked. "No. You hear about Christmas carols by candlelight, about silver bells, boughs of holly, all sorts of nostalgic stuff fromrepparttar 118234 days when General Electric hired mice to turnrepparttar 118235 wheels of power."

I looked around for a Christmas tree. "So why no Christmas tree? Is that too modern for you?"

"Onlyrepparttar 118236 plastic kind," he said. "They keep dying on me. I was probably feeding them too much sheep manure. Anyway, I decoratedrepparttar 118237 one out front."

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