How to overcome co-dependency and live a fulfilled lifeWritten by Ulla Sebastian
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Title: How to overcome co-dependency and live a fulfilled life Author: Dr. Ulla Sebastian E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org Copyright: © 2004 by Ulla Sebastian Web Address: http://www.visioform.com Word Count: 890 Category: Self Empowerment
CO-DEPENDENCY REFERS TO AN OBSESSIVE NEED FOR AFFECTION, ATTENTION AND AFFIRMATION. Co-dependent people get easily drawn into pain and problems of others, feel responsible to help people solve their problems while ignoring their own, look outside themselves for meaning, identity and value, say yes when they mean no and tend to blame others for their own unhappiness, failures and frustrations. CO-DEPENDENCY IS AS MUCH A CULTURAL AS A PERSONAL PHENOMENON. Through childhood and adolescence, movies and hit parades feed us co-dependent relationship ideals as romantic love, Christian ideals as service and care for others, cultural ideals as being a good mother, a caring wife or just a “good” person that cares for other people's needs more than for one’s own. If you as a woman wonder about difference between being 'good' or co-dependent check degree of involvement and amount of pain you feel. Ask yourself: * Do I always "have to do something" to help my partner? * Do I feel burdened by problems of my partner? Would I like to leave him and yet I do not dare to? * Am I holding on to my partner even if he has repeated affairs or abandons me while "working at office"?
Most people fall into a continuum of co-dependency. If you are still wondering, keep checking:
* Do I feel responsible to help people solve their problems while ignoring my own? * Do I look outside myself for meaning, identity and value? * Do I say yes when I mean no? * Do I tend to blame others for my unhappiness, failures and frustrations?
If you answer 'yes' to most of those questions, co-dependency is an issue.
CO-DEPENDENCY HAPPENS IN RELATIONSHIPS Codependent relationships are predominantly domain of women who are engaging in personal relationships with someone who needs help and support. They offer themselves as 'helpers' and 'saviours' and turn into angry persecutors if their attempt to save 'other' fails, which is usually case. This dynamic in co-dependent relationships has been described as drama triangle being played by two people who change roles of victim, saviour and persecutor. The term co-dependent relationship was traditionally used for an alcoholic and his or her partner but has lately been applied to a broad range of people who need help such as drug users, criminals, sex addicts, mentally ill, physically ill, and even workaholics who need someone to support them while they "do their thing."
How To Help Your Children Have Strong Self-EsteemWritten by Garrett Coan
How to Help Your Child Have Strong Self-Esteem
Here is a list of ways to convey message “You are worthwhile” to your children.
1.Tell her on a regular basis that you love her. Actually say words. If you think, “I don’t have to tell her. She knows,” you are wrong. It doesn’t count if you think it but don’t say it out loud. 2.Tell him that you are glad he is your child. Say words and mean them. If you don’t feel it, there is something wrong and you should find out what’s going on. We all have moments when we have a hard time getting in touch with our positive feelings for our children. I’m not talking about those times. I’m talking about in general, most of time, if you’re not feeling good about being your child’s parent, something is wrong. He will never feel good about himself if he senses that you are not connected to him. 3.Give her an example to follow. Take time to teach her steps. Kids need models. It’s unfair to expect that she will know what to do in her daily life if you haven’t shown her how to do it. 4.Spend time with him. If you are absent most of time, he notices, and he probably thinks it’s because he isn’t important enough. 5.Look at her when you speak to her. This conveys, “This is important and you are important.” 6.Look at him when he speaks to you. This conveys, “What you are saying is important. You are important.” 7.Explain why. It takes more time, but it conveys that she is important enough to spend time helping her understand. When you explain why, you are also saying, “I understand that you need to know why. I am going to help you meet your needs.” 8.When he tells you about something that happened, ask him how he feels about it. Take time to listen to his answer. 9.When you ask a question, encourage her to elaborate. Say, “Tell me more about that,” or ask, “What was that like?” 10.When you ask a question, don’t interrupt when she is answering. 11.When you ask a question, watch your responses. Don’t disagree or criticize his answer. This teaches him that it isn’t safe to be candid and will make him edit what he tells you. 12.Say no when you need to say no. Kids need to know there are limits and that some things are outside of those limits. 13.When you say no, explain why. 14.When you say yes, explain why. 15.Set a positive example with your own behavior. You can only expect her to behave with dignity and self-respect if she sees you doing it. 16.When you lose your temper or make a mistake, apologize. Say that you are sorry, be specific about what you are sorry for, and give him a chance to respond.