I recently marked
six-year anniversary of my custody battle. I have learned vital lessons that I want to share with all parents. Divorce yourself emotionally from your former spouse. Mind your own business. Their life is no longer married to yours.
Our children are not to be fought over like property. Children are not property, and parents do not own them.
The issue is not custody. It is loving children, sharing parental responsibility for their physical needs, and maintaining open communication between parents for sake of children.
If you file a custody suit out of bitterness, or to get personal revenge, or to avoid sharing parental responsibility with open communication, you commit a crime against your children.
No matter how much you may despise your former spouse, your children are as much a part of their other parent as they are of you.
No matter how much you may dread sharing open, healthy communication with your former spouse, you must do it to provide a role model of healthy adult communication for your children; they will need this vital resource when they become adults.
Psychologically healthy divorced parents show courtesy and respect to each other. Their children then internalize message that they are respected. Through open dialogue with each other, parents teach their children to speak their truth rather than sacrifice it to please one parent or blame other. Such parents give their children an invaluable gift.
When parents stop blaming and start to look within, they take personal responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions. The parents heal their issues, and their children are spared great pain.
I ask you, if you are a parent, to look to source of your pain. It is not with your former spouse. It is within you. Look closely at areas you vehemently guard. If you don't want open communication, do it anyway. Your children need to learn how to communicate.
If you don't want to pay child support, pay it anyway. Your children are entitled to be raised with financial resources of both parents. They deserve best life they can possibly have.
