Step 1: Identify REAL cause of your procrastination

The first step is finding out what causes procrastination. People often use word as if procrastination itself is problem. For example, “You know, I really have a problem with procrastination.” But procrastination itself is NOT problem-it is only symptom.

Start by picking a task you know you should do, but have put off for a long time. Is this something you dread doing because it is not in line with who you are?

For example, I had a friend whose son always turned his homework in late. He constantly put it off until very last minute-even after being penalized, still nothing changed. It took a caring teacher to really dig into problem to find out what it was.

The boy, as it turned out, was afraid of getting a bad grade on his homework. Without even thinking about it, he would put it off until pain of turning it in late became greater than his fear of getting a bad grade.

In his mind, he was actually protecting himself from a potentially painful situation. The apparent reason for his procrastination was: I’m too busy with my after-school projects. The REAL reason for his procrastination: I’m afraid I might fail. To find source of your procrastination, ask yourself following questions:

1)Am I putting it off because I’m just not good at it?

2)Am I putting it off because I’m afraid I might fail or because I’m afraid of what might happen?

Step 2: Create an action plan that’s in line with your strengths

After you discover real reason for your procrastination, next step is finding a way to get job done that is in line with something you LIKE to do.

The answer is: Another person’s religious beliefs are important to you to degree they’re important to you. This may sound like begging question, but it’s an important thing to ‘get’. Assuming you’re looking for marriage, you need to make a “must have” and “can’t stand” list. If certain religious beliefs go into either group, pay attention to them, because you won’t be happy if they aren’t there (or are and shouldn’t be) and relationship won’t work in long run.

Begging question is what Zen koans are all about; those maddening “answers” that “master” gives when novice asks a question. He seems to answer all around something without coming out and saying it. Why is this important? Because master is also teaching novice how to think and how to answer his own questions.

The master answers so that learner understands they’re either asking a question no one knows answer to (like “Will this man make good children?), or it’s a question you don’t need an answer to in order to get on with your life (like, “Will this man go bald when he gets old?”), or that you know answer as well as anyone else, you just don’t know it by reason (which is limited) and you can’t accept that (like, “Are we compatible?”), or that only you can answer (like, “Is this right man for me?”).

In case of religious beliefs, emotionally intelligent thing to do is to figure out what you want (work with a coach for clarity; it’s worth it) and then experience person.

It’s important to formulate you spiritual “must haves” and “can’t stands” in correct way. Do you mean adherence to a certain set of principals as espoused by a certain faith, such as being Methodist, or Buddhist? Do you need someone to agree with every word you say about it?

Or do you want person to believe in certain spiritual principals which could be compatible with various faiths? Does it matter to you more how person argues their faith verbally in their head, or how they live it in their daily actions and behaviors? Some people live in a way that’s very compatible with certain faiths, though they may not officially belong to any religious organization. Some religions require only faith; others require certain actions.

If you want to see certain values and principals in action, what are they? Honesty? The Golden Rule? Compassion? Kindness?

I do encourage you to take time to see how person lives out their principals. It’s easy to say you believe in charity. It’s not so easy to tithe.

Now since we began with koans, here is one to help you understand how to go about this, from Lao Tzu: “A tree that is unbending is easily broken.” This is referring to EQ competency of flexibility.

Choosing a good life partner is a matter of both head and heart. I know all self-help experts out there are telling to make a list, make a list, but, really, your common sense will tell you that people don’t conform to lists. That’s why you’re still looking, right? Most of clients who've come to me for relationship coaching have list that don't work in real world. In other words, they only make sense on paper.