How to Get the Relationship You Want

Written by Susan Dunn, Personal and Professional Development Coach

We tend to think of findingrepparttar right relationship as being a hunt for another person, and it is. But it depends first of all on being ready yourself. The best way to do this is to develop your emotional intelligence skills. It’s all about relationships and emotions, after all.

You could meetrepparttar 126157 most “right” person inrepparttar 126158 world, and still not be able to make it work. In fact in some cases, if you’re dragging aroundrepparttar 126159 past, you wouldn’t know a good partner for you if they appeared in shining light.

So what can you do?

1.Know yourself completely and what you want.

2.Increase your emotional intelligence competencies.

3.Be surerepparttar 126160 past is past.

4.Use your emotional intelligence inrepparttar 126161 early stages ofrepparttar 126162 relationship (and of course thereafter!)


Clients ask me this, and I hear people asking other people when they are about to meet a new man of woman, “But I don’t know how to act.”

When you’re meeting someone new,repparttar 126163 answer is to just be yourself, but of course this is easier than it sounds! We’re nervous and want to make a good impression, so two parts of emotional intelligence are important: self-awareness, and being able to manage our emotions.

When you have developed your emotional intelligence skills, you know who you are, and what you want in all areas of your life, and you know what you are looking for in a partner. You also are better able to manage your emotions (and those of others).

In fact one ofrepparttar 126164 competencies is called “Intentionality.” This means saying what you mean, and meaning what you say, and then doing all you can to make it happen.


Getting to know someone else is always full of surprises, andrepparttar 126165 older you get,repparttar 126166 more “history” you will have to relate to each other. Bear in mind that it is always easiest for us to handle our own “problems” emotionally, than those of others.

You may have endured a bankruptcy orrepparttar 126167 death of a spouse as part of your life, and to someone else this might sound insurmountable. They may wonder what shape you’re in, emotionally, and what this has “done” to you. For instance, they may know someone who hasn’t coped well with one of these situations, and may be thinking this would apply to you as well. My mother used to say, “If all our problems were hung on a line (clothes line), you would take yours, and I would take mine.”

Are You Sure She Knows That?

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach

I was out shopping for my beloved Annie,repparttar little girl in my life, with my friend, Betty, who has four daughters of her own, five granddaughters, and two great-granddaughters. She’s a woman of a certain age, with wisdom, whose advice I’m often glad to take.

Shopping for a girl is new to me,repparttar 126156 mother of grown sons. I can pullrepparttar 126157 right car, lego, or chemistry set offrepparttar 126158 rack in a split second, but this thing about dolls has me both baffled and enchanted. I remember back to childhood, but my own, not that of my children. My most recent home was filled with wheels, not dolls.

We proceeded torepparttar 126159 display of angels, which is what Annie had asked for. No, my sons had never requested an angel, nor had they ever dreamed of being a “groom.” It wasn’t justrepparttar 126160 state of marriage that didn’t immediately enchant them, it wasrepparttar 126161 tux. They never requested dress clothes either!

So many blond angels, I thought, but finally found one with brown hair, like Annie’s. I have noticedrepparttar 126162 changes in dolls overrepparttar 126163 years, and always say a silent prayer of thanks that now there are dolls with different shades of skin and hair, and different styles and lengths of hair, as in real life.

I pulledrepparttar 126164 brown-haired angel offrepparttar 126165 shelf and put it in my cart.

“What are you doing?” Betty asked.

“Well, Annie’s got brown hair,” I said. “I want her to see there are angels with brown hair.”

“Are you sure she knows that?” Betty replied.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Are you sure she knows she had brown hair and not blond?” Betty clarified.

Ah, I thought, listening to my wise friend. The fantasies we have. No, I thought quickly. I’m sure Annie envisions herself withrepparttar 126166 long blond hair of fairytales. Like many six year olds, she has a big imagination. I did when I was a little girl. I had blond hair but it wasn’t long blond hair … except in my dreams … because Prince Charming, of course …

Now, this isn’t about dolls resembling humans, or whether boys should be given dolls and girls wheels, or anything bigger than our inner lives, which isrepparttar 126167 hugest thing there is. As someone said, “We never really grow up, we just learn how to behave in public.”

Behaving in public is knowing you have brown hair, not blond. It means knowing you aren’t really Superman! But how many of us really get there?

I thought ofrepparttar 126168 many adults I know who aren’t aware they “don’t have blond hair.” Perhaps you work with one or socialize with one. Someone who has delusions about themselves, or about howrepparttar 126169 world works. They come in many forms:

·The manager who thinks he’s God ·The marketing director who thinks she’s Venus,repparttar 126170 goddess of Love ·Your friend who thinks he’s Atlas, condemned to carryrepparttar 126171 world on his shoulders ·Your sister who acts like Rapunzel, waiting to be rescued ·Your frantically “busy” neighbor who thinksrepparttar 126172 red shoes will save her ·Your partner, who occasionally thinks he’s Rumpelstiltskin and can straw into gold (or maybe you mistakenly think he can)

One ofrepparttar 126173 best things we can do is gently hold up a mirror to someone to show them who they are. Sometimes we don’t know!

Asrepparttar 126174 Scottish poet, Robert Burns, wrote, “O wad some po’errepparttar 126175 gift tae gie us, tae see oursel’s as aithers see us,” which usually is translated fromrepparttar 126176 Scottish into “I would to Godrepparttar 126177 gift he’d give us to see ourselves as others see us.”

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