Nothing can get as heated as an argument between a husband and wife, unless maybe it’s a parent and a teenager. Because these relationships are closely bonded and intense, we react strongly and emotions are far more “contagious” than between us and friends, or even colleagues. Haven’t you found this to be true?
The first step in learning to get along better with your husband is to understand this strong emotional reaction to what’s going on. One word and a quick reaction from you without thinking, and battle is on. There’s a better way to handle this. Here are five tips:
1.Set you intent.
Intentionality is an Emotional Intelligence competency. It means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Make commitment to do what you need to to make your relationship thrive.
2. And while you’re at it, develop your Emotional Intelligence.
The EQ competencies will help you relate better, solve problems better, learn how to manage anger, communicate, negotiate, and express your love (and other emotions) appropriately.
3.Remember every day why you married this man and let him know it.
As saying goes, “There’s a realm of silence beyond grave.” Someone who feels truly appreciated behaves much different than someone who is ignored, abused, belittled, or treated like a servant (i.e., “Did you take out garbage?”)
4.SAY it, don’t wish it, assume it, hope for it, or wish it away.
Part of EQ is emotional expression. Know your emotions and how they work. Express yourself to your partner, and be sure and do this just as often when things are going well and you’re happy, as when there are problems and you’re unhappy.
Ask him questions, and tell him your needs – sexual, emotional, mental and physical. Don’t assume, wish or hope.
No one can read your mind, and men are typically lower on Empathy to begin with. Don’t hope it will just go away one day without mindful effort, or that he knows what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling or what you want.
In fact, why not make it a practice when you lie down at night to tell each other why you married them in first place.
5.Appreciate him for who he is and what he does for you and family.
Don’t take any of this for granted. You should have many examples around you of husbands you wouldn’t want to have. Don’t keep it a secret that you got best guy in town!
6. Don’t compare your husband to anyone else’s husband.
This doesn’t work because he’s unique, and so are you, and so is your relationship. He lives with you, not some other man’s wife. The dynamics between two of you are unique.
7.Learn what his triggers are, and yours, and avoid them.
Men’s tempers generally are quicker to ignite, so why not go ahead and get yours on a leash? Resist ALL urges to use a weakness or vulnerability against him at a time when you’re angry.