How to Get Along Better with Your Husband

Written by Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach

Nothing can get as heated as an argument between a husband and wife, unless maybe it’s a parent and a teenager. Because these relationships are closely bonded and intense, we react strongly and emotions are far more “contagious” than between us and friends, or even colleagues. Haven’t you found this to be true?

The first step in learning to get along better with your husband is to understand this strong emotional reaction to what’s going on. One word and a quick reaction from you without thinking, andrepparttar battle is on. There’s a better way to handle this. Here are five tips:

1.Set you intent.

Intentionality is an Emotional Intelligence competency. It means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Makerepparttar 126147 commitment to do what you need to to make your relationship thrive.

2. And while you’re at it, develop your Emotional Intelligence.

The EQ competencies will help you relate better, solve problems better, learn how to manage anger, communicate, negotiate, and express your love (and other emotions) appropriately.

3.Remember every day why you married this man and let him know it.

Asrepparttar 126148 saying goes, “There’s a realm of silence beyondrepparttar 126149 grave.” Someone who feels truly appreciated behaves much different than someone who is ignored, abused, belittled, or treated like a servant (i.e., “Did you take outrepparttar 126150 garbage?”)

4.SAY it, don’t wish it, assume it, hope for it, or wish it away.

Part of EQ is emotional expression. Know your emotions and how they work. Express yourself to your partner, and be sure and do this just as often when things are going well and you’re happy, as when there are problems and you’re unhappy.

Ask him questions, and tell him your needs – sexual, emotional, mental and physical. Don’t assume, wish or hope.

No one can read your mind, and men are typically lower on Empathy to begin with. Don’t hope it will just go away one day without mindful effort, or that he knows what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling or what you want.

In fact, why not make it a practice when you lie down at night to tell each other why you married them inrepparttar 126151 first place.

5.Appreciate him for who he is and what he does for you andrepparttar 126152 family.

Don’t take any of this for granted. You should have many examples around you of husbands you wouldn’t want to have. Don’t keep it a secret that you gotrepparttar 126153 best guy in town!

6. Don’t compare your husband to anyone else’s husband.

This doesn’t work because he’s unique, and so are you, and so is your relationship. He lives with you, not some other man’s wife. The dynamics betweenrepparttar 126154 two of you are unique.

7.Learn what his triggers are, and yours, and avoid them.

Men’s tempers generally are quicker to ignite, so why not go ahead and get yours on a leash? Resist ALL urges to use a weakness or vulnerability against him at a time when you’re angry.

More Important Than Love

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asrepparttar author resource box atrepparttar 126146 end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

Title: More Important Than Love Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: Word Count: 809 Category: Relationships, Sexuality

More Important Than Love By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

“I just want to feel loved,” complained Angie. “Is that too much to ask? I want to be able to count on Richard in bed. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t count!”

Angie and her husband, Richard, were caught in a power struggle that was having a very negative affect on their sex life. Most ofrepparttar 126147 time, as soon as they started to have intercourse, Richard would ejaculate, leaving Angie angry and frustrated. The more upset Angie got,repparttar 126148 more trouble Richard was having sexually. They started counseling with me due to this issue.

“Richard,” I asked, “Have you had problems with premature ejaculation in other relationships before you got married?”

“Yes,” he answered. “Sometimes they would start off okay, but eventually they always ended up this way. I’ve tried lots of different things but nothing has worked. I just don’t know whatrepparttar 126149 problem is.”

As I got to know Angie and Richard, it became apparent to me that they were caught in a control-resist system, and that it was this system that was affecting their sex life. It wasrepparttar 126150 same system that had negatively affected their sex lives in previous relationships.

Angie had learned early in her life, from both of her parents, to protect herself from pain with anger and righteousness. When things didn’t go her way or when she felt rejected, she would get hard, bristly, blaming, and parental. At those moments, having control over getting love and avoiding pain was more important to her than being loving to herself and others. Angie had no idea how to take loving care of herself inrepparttar 126151 face of feeling rejected.

Richard learned early in his life from his experiences with his parents that not being controlled was more important than being loving to himself or others. He learned to go into various forms of resistance to feel safe from being controlled by others, including not doing well in school and not taking care of his health. For Richard, premature ejaculation was another form of covert resistance. It’s as if his body was saying, “I don’t want to be controlled so I need to get out of here as soon as I can.” In addition, he was covertly saying to Angie, and perhaps women in general, “I’ll show you that you can’t control me.” Richard had no idea how to take loving care of himself inrepparttar 126152 face of feeling engulfed, sorepparttar 126153 wounded part of him would revert to what he learned as a child - resistance.

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