How to Cope When Someone You Love is DeployedWritten by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
When we must part with a loved one, we have physical and emotional reactions beyond our control. Our emotional intelligence skills can help us manage them. Having someone you love deployed is extremely stressful.
Newborns separated from their mothers show us extremes of "protest-despair behavior." When infant is separated, body reacts, pumping out stress hormones that affect nervous system and muscle groups. Cortisol, 'stress' hormone, can increase 10x, and gastrointestinal functions are upset. Then there's withdrawal, heart rate slows, body temperature lowers (presumably attempts to "survive"), and immune system gets out of kilter.
Any separation from a loved one during our lifetime will mimic this reaction because we're humans, because we love, because we bond. The price we pay is that separation is painful.
At same time, if person being deployed is your lover, you'll be deprived of oxytocin, that delicious love-hormone that makes us feel good even thinking about our loved one.
That Was No Gorilla, That Was My Inattentional BlindnessWritten by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
If you were watching a basketball game and someone in a gorilla costume stomped across court pounding his chest, you'd notice, wouldn't you?
According to psychologist Dan Simons, there's only a 50% chance you would!
It's called "inattentional blindness" or "change blindness" - being too focused to see things right in front of our eyes.
According to a fascinating article in "The Carleton Voice," by Jack El-Hai, when Simons had subjects watch a basketball video and told them to count number of players' passes, half of them didn't notice when gorilla walked across.
"We have to rewind tape to show them [the gorilla]," said Simons. "That's what I find most interesting about all this - size of errors we can make. We really believe that something important will attract our attention much of time."
The article continues to describe another experiment not unlike candid camera: