Most introverts dislike talking and even have a violent aversion to small talk. Approach these people respectfully and come to point as quickly as possible. If you can, let them know a few hours or a day in advance that you would like to talk to them. Don't expect them to answer phone. That's right. Don't be insulted if you get an answering machine. Introverts are not rude or reclusive, they just hate to be caught unprepared.

Above all else, if door is closed, don't go in. And don't knock if you can come back some other time. Introverts can be downright violent if they are interrupted. Their speciality is weaving information together in a contemplative and creative manner. If you interrupt this process, you annoy then vexaciously while at same time aborting results of this inquiry which might have been to your business and personal advantage.

You see, introverts make up a small 30% of population and yet their self image is defined by extroverts who think there is something wrong with them because they “don’t’ like people” or because they are “shy” or “withdrawn”.

Let’s come of age! Introversion is a legitimate personality type. You can find out more by visiting a Myers-Briggs website like this one: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

There’s nothing wrong with your child if he or she is introverted. Introverts give energy to others, so your child avoids extended social interaction not because s/he is anti-social but because s/he is exhausted by it. All those peppy looking extroverts who look so happy in group are actually taking energy from introverts like your kid when they interact!

The more you understand about introversion as a legitimate personality type more you can help your child develop a positive self image. You may also want to help your child discover how to “win” in a world set up by “others” with very different tastes and values.

Introverted children get no inherent value or personal reward for taking part in past times that are pushed on most kids. Joining Pep Squad, taking ball room dancing lessons, joining German Club and taking field trips to aquarium are not likely to do anything for your introverted child except stress them out and make them feel like losers because they don’t seem to be enjoying themselves when everyone else is!

It’s so important to validate your child’s feelings about these activities and help them understand that it’s normal for introverts to more or less dread them!

The son of one of my clients is a bright, nice looking, musically talented introvert. He is 14 years old and his extremely extroverted mother worries because he doesn’t have “any friends”. She thinks he isn’t “popular”. She has pushed him into going to church dances. When he gets there, he cries. She has taken him to psychologists to find out “what’s wrong” and she has gotten him drugged with prescriptions.

This is not productive! Instead of forcing a child to do something that goes so much against his nature he has to be drugged to do it, how much more healthy and supportive it would be to provide your child with right to be just exactly who they are!

Here then are some activities, hobbies and pursuits at which introverted children excel and which they will enjoy. These activities are natural to introverts and are all at least as worthwhile as Pep Club, maybe more so!

•Collecting (stamps, butterflies, coins …)