If your husband has a lover he’s certain to buy her a Valentine’s Day gift; whether he receives one in return or not. This could prove to be his undoing. An observant wife can find some solid evidence this time of year if she knows what to look for and where to look.

A husband can sometimes get away with giving his wife a card and a hastily purchased box of chocolates. But tradition demands that on Valentine’s Day, he gives his mistress a special gift. No self-respecting man would try to impress his girlfriend with a cheap token of his affection. If he wants to remain in her good graces (and in her bed) he has to buy her a decent gift.

It goes without saying that gifts cost money. Even if your husband has been siphoning off small sums for several weeks or months, you’ll find evidence of his spending somewhere. If he doesn’t pay in cash he’ll have to use his credit card. But there’s always a paper trail.

Have there been any suspicious withdrawals from your bank accounts? Check time period shortly before or after Valentine’s Day. Were there any unexplained ATM withdrawals around this time?

Check your credit card statements for month of February, and latter part of January too. Look for charges made at jewelry stores, women’s specialty stores, or boutiques, florists, day spas, restaurants and like. Scrutinize any charges made on February 14th.

Check his wallet, his pockets, his backpack, his briefcase for charge slips or store receipts. If you find evidence of gift items you didn’t personally receive, it should raise a red flag in your mind. Since your husband didn’t give these gifts to you, who did he give them to?

Check various places in and around your home for hidden gifts -- under bed, in back of a file cabinet or dresser drawer, on back of closet floor, or on a seldom used shelf.

Don’t forget to search car too. Look underneath seat, in trunk, in glove compartment and in tire well.

Though, if you are in other twenty percent category, likely, your mate will be too. In such cases, a marriage works much better when couples stop trying to fill standard expectations and carry roles God best equipped each for. However God created you; He did not make a mistake.

Having once experienced an abusive marriage and another kind of abuse in church, thought to be wrong gender to serve God, I had great need to 'know' God's intent for submission and obedience.

First, in an abusive relationship, obeying means things like ~ if you open a two liter of pop while mate it away, some of fiz could possibly fizzle out and who knew that would make them angry!? Though, you can expect to find yourself curled into a corner, in fetal position, protecting as many body parts as possible.

And, when church tells wives to obey, message is that this is what God is like.

Then, when God's calling was contrary to authority's acceptance, it would eat at my soul. God did not stop calling, as He did not change His mind (Ro. 11:29). To hear cries of others in need and to not be able to do anything about it was as much torment as being held captive/prisoner … sometimes, like it was happening to me all over again.

I had great need to 'know' and as a result of that search, these are among my findings.

In cases of submission ...

"Submitting yourselves one to another in fear of God," Ep. 5:21.

"I beseech you, brethren, (ye know house of Stephanas, that it is firstfruits of Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to ministry of saints,) That ye submit yourselves unto such, and to every one that helpeth with us, and laboureth," I Co. 16:15-16.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in Lord," Co. 3:18.

We are all called to submission, one to another, to husbands; to everyone that helps and labors for God, regardless of gender.

Being that it is impossible to obey everyone at same time, we can conclude that to submit is not necessarily to obey. For, if husband were submitting to one another, in theory, he would also have to obey his wife. Since that is not a supported doctrine, either above verses are in error or we misunderstood meaning of submitting.

As I have found submission to mean, it is to listen to need of another's heart. Then, whenever it becomes necessary to alter my plan in order to meet their need, their true need should come first. In such, we should all be healers of one another's soul; including our mate's. We are to be willing vessels, allowing love of God to flow through us as often as God shows us a need.

People's wants and needs are different. We can know which is a true need by following God's example. Listen not to one's words but to cry of their heart. Our want should step out of way for another's 'need'.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in Lord." Co. 3:18.

Whatever you believe word 'submit' means, consider this; "Wives, submit yourselves ... as it is fit in Lord." Co. 3:18. Notice verse does not say, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, or you are not fit in Lord." It says to submit to extent it "is fit in Lord."

So, if one's husband requests them to sleep with another man, is it fit in Lord? Of course not. So herein is, at very least, is an example of exception.

Obedience …

What we are to 'obey' is spiritual leadership (whether one calls it submission or by another name). When someone is spiritually leading, we will be able to hear Spirit and know that is God, it is Him speaking and it is fit in Him, as Spirit can not lie.

In such cases, we are not worshipping our husband. Our submission is to Lord. The same would be true, whomever Lord is speaking through. When Spirit touches our spirit, it is God. (Though, if we quench Spirit before He has had a chance to speak, we might miss God's best.)

So, if that be case, what could following verses mean?