Kids speak straight from heart. They don’t worry about tripping over right words, they only know how to say what they want using most simple language. As adults, we let our thinking get in way of our emotions and worry about details before we have big picture.

Dream up a love letter You don't need a sample love letter or a free printable love letter. You're going to dream up your own romantic love letters.

An indispensible tool for writing is a thesaurus. You'll find many free ones online; they're a wonderful aid to finding exactly right word. Have paper and pen ready to jot notes, but forget about words and writing for now.

Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down, let your shoulders drop and take a few deep breaths, at least 5 or 6. Inhale deeply, feel air going to bottom of your belly, then slowly exhale as you pull in your abdomen.

Close your eyes and begin visualizing one you love and create a movie of you slowly running your eyes over every inch of their body. What do you especially appreciate? View their eyes looking back at you, run your fingers through their hair, caress their cheek and softly brush your lips against theirs. See smile of joy, tilt of their head towards you, their arms around you. Feel their heart beat against yours and take in warmth of their skin. Watch as they run towards you, eager to rush into your arms. How do you feel?

Let your movie continue running. Pull out memories of when you had a lot of fun and laughter, your most passionate times together or when you were sad and your love silently held you close. Which of them brings up most emotion in you? What do you see, hear, taste, touch and feel? What are they wearing . . . or not wearing?

Linger a bit longer; let feelings run throughout your entire body. Are you getting little tingles running up and down your spine?

First love letter steps The most emotional memories are ones that will fuel your love letter or poem. You should be in a better mood for writing, relaxed and smiling. Take a few more deep breaths before you begin to write.

Title: Relationship Deal-breakers Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 802 Category: Relationships

Relationship Deal-breakers By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

In 37 years that I have been counseling couples, I have discovered that there are only a few issues that are true relationship deal-breakers. Many of issues that tear relationships apart are not actual deal-breakers. Rather, most divorces and breakups are result of one or both partner’s unwillingness to learn from conflicts that exist in all primary relationships. But some conflicts and differences are actual deal-breakers.

HAVING CHILDREN

Early in my career as a psychotherapist, I worked with Mary and Cal. Mary and Cal met when Mary was 38 and Cal was 47. Cal had been married before and had two adult children, while Mary had never been married. Cal made it very clear to Mary that he did not, under any circumstances, want more children. Mary seemed to accept this, but secretly hoped to change Cal’s mind once they were married.

A year after they were married, Mary brought up issue of having children. Cal was appalled. He felt angry, trapped and betrayed by Mary’s secret hope, as well as by her dishonesty. Mary begged and pleaded, hoping Cal’s love for her would soften his position. But he stayed committed to his decision not to have any more children.

This situation has a very sad ending. Mary was devastated. She loved Cal, but having children was actually extremely important to her. She didn’t want to leave him and she couldn’t let go of wanting a child. The stress of situation eventually eroded her immune system and she died of ovarian cancer of few years after bringing up baby issue.

I learned a lot from Mary and Cal’s experience. I learned that baby issue is a deal-breaker. It is not healthy for someone who really wants a baby to give that up, and it is not healthy for someone who does not want a baby to go along with having one. This deep and basic issue needs to be dealt with head-on, early in a relationship, before people move ahead with commitment and marriage.

WORK