This is a story about a woman we will call Anne, a thirty-five-year-old woman who concluded that she could never find a man. She determined that loneliness was her fate and thus went as far as accepting it as fact. Her case proves what I have discovered in advising single men and women: it does not matter what your circumstances are, every man or woman can and is able to find a happy relationship or reach their potential by making right choices.
Anne was a very beautiful and educated woman. Beneath her beauty were a lot of problems that I never imagined. She had grown up in a family where she was led to believe that no man would ever want her. She was best looking and best educated among her family members. Yet for many years she worked in family business for minimum wage. The sad part was she was willing to work under those terms until day she died, because she had accepted that she was black sheep of family.
One of ideas I suggested to Anne, to help her to stop thinking she would never find love, was to start dating. But she was even afraid to date. When suggestion was made, Anne declined, saying, “But who wants me? No man will date a woman like me.” I tried my very best to let Anne know that she was a very attractive woman. All she needed to do was believe there was a man out there for her.
She was so concerned that no man would accept her, thought of having to start dating made her cry. I personally began feeling sorry for her. I could not understand why she was so afraid to venture outside. I finally reached a point where only choice I had left in my attempt to help Anne was to give her an ultimatum. I told her: “Anne, you can do it. I am willing to help you but if you are going to come to me for advice, only to make one excuse after other, then why bother? Don’t waste my time. Anne, you must try. Give guys a chance to take you out at least in daytime. If you are concerned, tell someone about your date, your date’s name and phone number, where you will be going and what time you should be arriving home.
“Don’t let your date pick you up from your mom’s house,” I told her. “Meet him somewhere in open. This way he does not know where you live and you will not have to worry about him coming to look for you.” I proceeded to tell Anne that unless she was willing to try, I didn’t see any reason why she should continue coming to me for help.
At same time, I knew a spiritual couple who were visiting from U.S. I invited Anne to have dinner with me and couple in hopes that woman could befriend Anne. Anne told me she didn’t have any friends. The only people she saw were myself and a couple of friends I had introduced her to. Unfortunately, none of them wanted to befriend Anne, because she was so negative about everything. People simply did not want to be around her. After dinner was over, we all began to converse.