How To Cash In On Your ‘Ailment Capital'

Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Right afterrepparttar president won his re-election bid forrepparttar 118067 White House, he made an interesting comment. He said he was going to spend his "political capital" wisely.

At first, I did not understand what he was talking about, but then I began to think about it. All his work in getting re-elected won him a certain amount of influence withrepparttar 118068 people who helped re-elect him.

I never thought of it that way. But it got me thinking about my own situation, so I began evaluating my capital. It certainly wasn't in my checkbook.

Although I have lots of checks remaining,repparttar 118069 bank insisted I didn't have any capital in my account. According torepparttar 118070 bank,repparttar 118071 only capital I had was in my name.

As I dug around in my life, I discovered I did earn capital and I needed to figure out how to spend it wisely.

The capital I'm talking about is my "ailment capital." My recent illness, which necessitated me going torepparttar 118072 hospital, certainly had earned me some spendable capital. The more I thought about it,repparttar 118073 more excited I became, almost like putting on a pair of trousers and finding a $20 bill inrepparttar 118074 front pocket.

I was anxious to begin spending my "ailment capital." After all, my illness had cost me quite a bit and represented a major investment on my part. So now, I intended to get some payback.

My first plan of action was to tell people about my illness. I had rehearsed my story and knew it well. However, it was then I ran up against a block wall. It rather caught me off guard, if you know what I mean.

The first person I met set my plan into action. Carefully I introducedrepparttar 118075 subject of my stay inrepparttar 118076 hospital. Much to my bewilderment, they immediately began postulating on their recent visit torepparttar 118077 hospital. According to them, their stay inrepparttar 118078 hospital was much more serious than my stay inrepparttar 118079 hospital.

I slipped intorepparttar 118080 conversation, when I hadrepparttar 118081 chance, that I experiencedrepparttar 118082 worse headache while inrepparttar 118083 hospital.

"Headache?" They almost shouted to me. "You talk about headaches. I had such a severe headache thatrepparttar 118084 nurse gave me enough pain killer to put 12 elephants out of their misery, and it never even touched my headache. The doctor told me that it wasrepparttar 118085 worst headache he had ever seen in his entire life."

When they took a breath, I jumped in and mentioned how high my temperature was.

"High-temperature? You talk about high-temperature; my temperature was so high they had to put me in a tub of ice cubes for three days before my temperature even came down. The nurse told me that it wasrepparttar 118086 worst case of high-temperature she had ever seen in her life."


Written by Samantha Tooting-Beck

Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.

A SHORTAGE OF PUCKS N' PRANKS... Or, where have allrepparttar April Fools’ Day greeting cards gone?

It’s always been a mystery to me why I can never find April Fools’ Day cards in stores. There's a paucity of Pucks not to mention pranks if ever there was one!

Who says loons and buffoons don’t deserve their own card? Why has Hallmark, (who keep us chortling on birthdays and holidays), forgotten to commemorate this rather fine occasion with a card?

Perhaps by encouragingrepparttar 118066 “Inner Fool” in all of us to come out and play …card companies think all hell will break loose,repparttar 118067 sky will fall on them, or even scarier …they’ll be sued uprepparttar 118068 ying-yang by an emperor without any clothes on.

The origin of April Fools’ Day dates back more than five hundred years, to some powerful potentates in Europe who wanted a new calendar. Or, maybe it had something to do withrepparttar 118069 Fickle Finger of Fate’s bad hair day!

Truth is, people got bored inrepparttar 118070 good old days. Let’s face it bread and circus performances were wearing a tad thin. And cooling one’s heels on a street corner inrepparttar 118071 hope of meeting a guy named “Godot” wasn’t all that much fun either.

Change is always hard …especially if some poor fish wants to keeprepparttar 118072 old calendar festive occasions, while new kids onrepparttar 118073 block want to muck up everything. Not surprisingly, chaos ensued. (You know …the typical right hand not knowing whatrepparttar 118074 left hand is doing,repparttar 118075 usual foot inrepparttar 118076 mouth games, not to mentionrepparttar 118077 odd tongue-in-cheek was bound to drive most clodplates, cretins and cullies crazy.)

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
Terms of Use