BEFORE THE PARTY

When you get a written or e-mailed invitation, R.S.V.P. Those letters stand for French Respondez S'il Vous Plait which means "respond, if you please". It's courteous to let your hosts know for meal planning, seating arrangements, etc.

Arrive 10-15 minutes after invitation time (but no later). This gives your hosts and/or hostess those last few minutes to prepare. Different parts of country and different cultures handle time differently, but that's your best bet unless you know otherwise.

Check and see if children are invited. If they aren't, it's not fair to just show up with your kids saying you couldn't get a sitter. The hostess may not have child-proofed her house, or may have sent her own children over to in-laws', or there may be a troublesome unfriendly dog in house.

WHAT TO BRING

Don't arrive empty-handed. Bring along a nice little gift with you -- a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers, a packet of printed cocktail napkins, a little inspirational book ... You can never go wrong when you do something thoughtful. But don't bring food; that's your hosts' province for evening.

It's always polite to ask "May I bring something," if it's a dinner party. If they say "Yes," ask what they'd like you to bring - meat dish, side, dish, dessert.

Once you're there, offer to help in kitchen and offer to help with dishes. You may be told "no," but at least you asked.

PARTICIPATE!

Of course I can DO them. I was an event planner - it's nothing BUT details - but, I prefer to be creative and find other ways.

How about you?

I'm sure you have things on your "to-do" list you don't like to do. If they're big, we need to look at a different career or job, but if they're small, here are some ways to manage around a weakness.

1.Get a little better at it. Some things you've just got to be able to do-simple math to balance your checkbook; listening to instructions; being able to make a decent presentation at a committee meeting … so just hunker down and do it. Read, watch others, get a coach utor and don't agonize over your performance in these areas you know will never be that great. Get them up enough to allow you to play game, and then don't worry about it - like Tiger Woods and his bunker shot. 2.Find support system you need. When I was a fund-raiser, which didn't pull on my greatest strengths to begin with, I found it hard to start working donors (cold calls) first thing in morning, so I used my secretary to "warm up" with. She may or may not have known why I came out on certain mornings and sat down and laughed and talked with her, but it worked for me. I had to warm up my voice and ramp up my personality.

3.Make yourself promises. Make yourself report cards, or use your coach for accountability. If your filing is really out of control and causing you problems set aside one day a month to do filing and stick to it. Choose an accountability system that works for you, The Gooding Accountability System ™ is a good one, or schedule a "Clean Sweep Day" with your coach. I did this four Mondays in a row with a client who was closing out his 25-year business and needed to go through files. 4.Memorize self-talk. Mary's job description is so vast and vague, she could get lost in it, and also hide away in parts she likes best. Every hour or so at work when she feels overwhelmed by choice of things she could be doing, she self-talks: "Q: What was I hired to do? A: I was hired to raise $1,000,000 this year. Q: What will best further that goal? A: This task." This helps her set her priorities, and keeps her focused.