WHAT IS A DISTRACTION?

What IS a distraction? Take a look at this painting and learn what a distraction is -- http://www15.tok2.com/home/dorian/Greek/Sirens/draper.jpg! I use this painting, “Ulysses,” by Draper, as an illustration of what Intentionality is, an emotional intelligence competency.

This painting is an illustration of part of adventures of Ulysses, and, if painting has done its work, you’ve already gotten message!

There’s a man tied to mast – that’s hero, Ulysses.

Focus on expression of man at bottom center of painting, man who’s rowing. This sailor is one of my favorite images. Ulysses was on a journey and he’d been told that when he encountered Sirens at sea, they would seduce him and his men with their irresistible song no man could resist.

Take this as a metaphor for strongest distraction for a man with a mission, a man at work. And of course this applies to women too. This portion of myth is about DISTRACTION that disables intent.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" is an old saying. It means you can have all best intentions in world, but if you don't carry them through on them, they are worthless.

THE SIRENS’ SONG

Back to our myth. Ulysses was determined to complete his journey, and, having been forewarned of danger of Sirens' song, he put wax in ears of his men. He left his own ears unplugged, but had himself bound to masthead.

You can fill in blanks here by looking at men. The look on Ulysses’ face shows you lure of song, but at same time you can see Sirens yourself and one of these luscious creatures is right in front of this man who’s rowing. But he knows his job and he’s going to do it. That is to say, he has Intentionality. MOTIVATION

You probably feel sorry for yourself because you're Only One who's alone, but if you're alone you're NOT alone. According to American Association for Single people, 82 million men and women in United States are unmarried.

If you define adults as those over 18, 44% of US adults are single. By 2010, it should be 47.2%. That's getting very close to half. What will we do then? Rename holiday? Abolish it? Or will those of us who are single rise up and demand our OWN holiday? An UNValentine's Day?? Holidays DO disappear, you know. When I was young, we celebrated May Day. Honestly, you bought Hallmark paper basket kits, you assembled them, you filled them with fresh flowers and placed them on your neighbors' doorsteps. I am not making this up.

But I am digressing.

Back to my point. A LOT of us are single, so you AREN'T alone if you're alone on Valentine 's Day. If that doesn't make you feel better, try these things, which will be just a little tongue in cheek, because I want to ramp you out of your position of feeling sorry for yourself. I've tried most of these, BTW, having been single longer than some of you have been alive, and they work!

This is old - if you can't change IT, change your FEELINGS toward it. FREUD!!!

How could we not mention F-R-E-U-D on national ^romantic^ holiday? Remember Freud's "defense mechanisms"? A common misconception is that they're all "bad," but actually we need our defense mechanisms. They're helpful! We need our defense mechanisms to:

1. Minimize anxiety 2. Protect ego 3. Maintain repression a.It prevents discomfort b.It leads to some economy of time and effort

I'm sure you're with me now that if you plan to, um, GET THROUGH VALENTINE'S DAY AS A SINGLE, a defense mechanism or 10 might come in handy.

So here we go.

DEFENSE, DEFINITION & APPLICATION

1. Affiliation: Dealing with emotional conflict and stressors (hereinafter referred to as "it") by turning to others for help or support. Valentine Application (VA): This is a great defense! Call your coach! Commiserate with friends. Talk to your sweet Mom.

2. Aim Inhibition: Limiting ^instinctual demands^, accepting partial fulfillment. VA: Invite a platonic boyfriend out for Valentine's Day and pretend it's all you really wanted. Who needs mad, passionate sex when you can talk about QuikBooks for three hours at Chili's, right?

3. Altruism: Deal with it by meeting needs of others. VA: Do as I've done. Choose someone to shower with your affection - a grand-daughter works! Go out and buy all things you'd want yourself - perfume, flowers, fluffy pink sweater, do it up big! Wrap 'em up, carry them over there, take her out and wine and dine her and savor! Feels great!