Holiday Stress? Tips For Having Less

Written by Deborah Martin


Holiday Stress? Some Tips For Having Less

We all dream of having wonderful holidays. We start each day full ofrepparttar spirit ofrepparttar 130435 season. We look atrepparttar 130436 lovely fresh fallen snow, and marvel atrepparttar 130437 beauty ofrepparttar 130438 world. But lets face it - life can be stressful. Byrepparttar 130439 time we getrepparttar 130440 kids up, dressed, and fed, referee a few morning scuffles, find lost homework, binkies, and keys, field a few phone calls, dig outrepparttar 130441 car, make our way through morning traffic, and try to get some Christmas shopping done atrepparttar 130442 local Target,repparttar 130443 good feeling is... well, gone. The joy and magic ofrepparttar 130444 season can easily be overshadowed by obligations, responsibilities, credit card spending gone mad, and, of course, relatives. If any of this is sounding familiar, you might be asking yourself - How could we endrepparttar 130445 madness? Well, here are some tips to makerepparttar 130446 season a little jollier - or at least less cranky.

 Adjust your outlook: Your perspective isrepparttar 130447 looking glass through which you seerepparttar 130448 world. It is central to how you experience emotions, situations, and life in general. By shifting your perspective you can, in effect, change you experience. This is your life - put a positive spin on things - what have you got to loose butrepparttar 130449 blues!

 Simplify your life: Get organized, try to cut down on clutter, and prioritize your tasks. Many dreaded obligations are self-imposed. Remember you really don't have to do everything.

Coping with Various Types of Stalkers

Written by Sam Vaknin


Stalkers are not made of one cloth. Some of them are psychopaths, others are schizoids, narcissists, paranoids, or an admixture of these mental health disorders. Stalkers harass their victims because they are lonely, or because it is fun (these are latent sadists), or because they can't help it (clinging or codependent behaviour), or for a myriad different reasons.

Clearly, coping techniques suited to one type of stalker may backfire or prove to be futile with another. The only denominator common to all bullying stalkers is their pent-up rage. The stalker is angry at his or her targets and hates them. He perceives his victims as unnecessarily and churlishly frustrating. The aim of stalking is to "educate"repparttar victim and to punish her.

Hencerepparttar 130433 catch-22 of coping with stalkers:

The standard - and good - advice is to avoid all contact with your stalker, to ignore him, even as you take precautions. But being evaded only inflamesrepparttar 130434 stalker's wrath and enhances his frustration. The more he feels sidelined and stonewalled,repparttar 130435 more persistent he becomes,repparttar 130436 more intrusive andrepparttar 130437 more aggressive.

It is essential, therefore, to first identifyrepparttar 130438 type of abuser you are faced with.

(1) The Erotomaniac

This kind of stalker believes that he is in love with you and that, regardless of overwhelming evidence torepparttar 130439 contrary,repparttar 130440 feeling is reciprocal (you are in love with him). He interprets everything you do (or refrain from doing) as coded messages confessing your eternal devotion to him and to your "relationship". Erotomaniacs are lonely, socially-inapt people. They may also be people with whom you have been involved romantically (e.g., your former spouse, a former boyfriend, a one night stand) - or otherwise (for instance, colleagues or co-workers).

Best coping strategy

Ignorerepparttar 130441 erotomaniac. Do not communicate with him or even acknowledge his existence. The erotomaniac clutches at straws and often suffers from ideas of reference. He tends to blow out of proportion every comment or gesture of his "loved one". Avoid contact - do not talk to him, return his gifts unopened, refuse to discuss him with others, delete his correspondence.

(2) The Narcissist

Feels entitled to your time, attention, admiration, and resources. Interprets every rejection as an act of aggression which leads to a narcissistic injury. Reacts with sustained rage and vindictiveness. Can turn violent because he feels omnipotent and immune torepparttar 130442 consequences of his actions.

Best coping strategy

Make clear that you want no further contact with him and that this decision is not personal. Be firm. Do not hesitate to inform him that you hold him responsible for his stalking, bullying, and harassment and that you will take all necessary steps to protect yourself. Narcissists are cowards and easily intimidated. Luckily, they never get emotionally attached to their prey and so can move on with ease.

(3) The Paranoid

By farrepparttar 130443 most dangerousrepparttar 130444 lot. Lives in an inaccessible world of his own making. Cannot be reasoned with or cajoled. Thrives on threats, anxiety, and fear. Distorts every communication to feed his persecutory delusions.

Fromrepparttar 130445 article "Avoiding Your Paranoid Ex":

"The paranoid's conduct is unpredictable and there is no "typical scenario". But experience shows that you can minimiserepparttar 130446 danger to yourself and to your household by taking some basic steps.

If at all possible, put as much physical distance as you can between yourself andrepparttar 130447 stalker. Change address, phone number, email accounts, cell phone number, enlistrepparttar 130448 kids in a new school, find a new job, get a new credit card, open a new bank account. Do not inform your paranoid ex about your whereabouts and your new life. You may have to make painful sacrifices, such as minimize contact with your family and friends.

Even with all these precautions, your abusive ex is likely to find you, furious that you have fled and evaded him, raging at your newfound existence, suspicious and resentful of your freedom and personal autonomy. Violence is more than likely. Unless deterred, paranoid former spouses tend to be harmful, even lethal.

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