Yet grief is not always healing. Many of us have known people who were stuck in their grief, seemingly locked into past and unable to move forward in their lives.

What is difference between those who feel their grief and move on and those who get stuck in it? The difference lies in what they believe they have lost. When people believe they have lost their source of love, their grief will feel unending.

Gary had been in a three-year relationship with Samantha when Samantha decided to end relationship. Gary was devastated. In this relationship, like in his past relationships, Gary was a taker – always trying to get love but unable to give love or share love. Samantha gave him a lot of love, but she often felt very lonely with him. Gary was devastated when she left because his source of love was gone. He was not grieving loss of Samantha as a person he loved. He was grieving loss of her love for him. He was grieving as a lost wounded child rather than as a loving adult.

As a result, Gary became stuck in his grief. He was stuck in feeling like a victim – stuck in “poor me.” Gary had never done inner work to develop an adult part of himself that could bring love to himself and share it with others. He felt lost, abandoned, and hurt. No matter how much he cried, no healing occurred. Because he was abandoning himself, he just continued to feel alone and despairing. Sometimes he was angry at Samantha for abandoning him and other times he was angry at himself for not being a better partner. He had many regrets that plagued him, and a constant inner refrain was, “If only I had……” “If only I had listened to her more, maybe she wouldn’t have left.” If only I had told her how beautiful she is, maybe she wouldn’t have left.”

Well, by now everyone has realized that little lady in story eventually realized all of her fondest dreams and wishes—not because she sat around idly daydreaming and wishing, but because she activated her faith and put wings on her dreams.

She got READY to receive her blessings. She took AIM with precision by knowing exactly what she wanted. She FIRED her "magic bullet" rifle repeatedly until each dream materialized. It never occurred to her to stop firing—and when her rifle was emptied out, she just reloaded and continued to fire until things were just as she had pictured them.

Notice that at no time did she use a shotgun—her aim was highly targeted, and she kept her eyes on her goals at all times. In face of any adversity, she put "blinders" on and plunged ahead with dogged determination.