If this is a pattern for you, you need to break it, so let’s take a look at this from Emotional Intelligence standpoint.

First of all, many times when I use term “emotional intelligence” to men who aren’t familiar with it, they laugh and say there’s no such thing, or that it’s an oxymoron, i.e., two can never go together. I’ve never heard this from a woman!

Right there is a key point. Men are not as easy with emotions. They tend to confuse pure sexual attraction with “love.” When they’re ‘on point’ as I call it (you know, like a bird dog who’s found treasure), he isn’t thinking. He’s likely to be what’s called “flooded.” Chemicals and hormones are rushing around that preclude thinking. If you’re in same state, who’s listening?

So prepare yourself for dating scene. Know who you are and what you want. If a man comes along who gives you a real zing, stop and think. Take a look at who he is, and how he’s living his life at this time. Find out what you can about his history and do it early on.

One thing you can count on, in early days of romance men are much freer about what they will tell you. The love chemicals kind of grease brain and they say lots of lovely things, but also will “blurt out” very informative things – things you need to hear, and to keep in mind.

After her 13- month relationship with Tony broke up, my client Alison told me that early on, when they were off on a lovely vacation, Tony had told her something she should’ve paid attention to. They were dancing at a beach bar in Cancun, sun was shining, there was laughter and music and margaritas all over place, and a lot of beautiful woman (besides Alison), and he had laughed and said, “One woman would never be enough for me.”

It took Alison 13 months to live this out and find it was true. When she was ready for a commitment, she got nothing but stalling. Eventually she caught him dating another woman, and at that point she couldn’t ignore reality any more. He had said one woman would never be enough for him, and yes, he had meant it.