If you can relate to Jimmy Buffet’s song “Fruit Cakes”, in which he sings we're all half baked this article could be for you! Does your body tense up a little when you think of
holidays? Is it difficult for you to believe that you came out of family you were raised in? All my life, my father and I had a very difficult and distant relationship. As an adult, we became estranged. When I was seventeen years old my mom married my stepfather; he became an important male figure in my life and man of family that I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with. In meantime, divide between my biological father and I grew ever wider. The silent agreement between us was so deep that we didn’t talk on phone or even exchange birthday, Father’s Day or holiday cards. There were times that as many as five years would go by without us speaking to one another. I had a lot of disdain for some of my dad’s values and life perspectives and that made simple conversation very difficult. During infrequent times when we would talk, he would begin to share his opinions and philosophies with me I would eminently disagree and that would be extent of it until we would forget how painful last phone call was.
Then, last May, (for reasons I do not understand) I began to get persistent feelings that I needed to call him. The feeling would not go away. I called my dad’s brother to see if I might find out what was up. As I dialed I thought, “He is sane one.” When my uncle answered, he told me, “your father is in hospital. He’s been in there several times and now he has pneumonia.”
Well I thought, “if there was ever a time to honor my father it’s now.” I did not want to show up at his funeral like a hypocrite so I talked it over with my husband and decided to go see him before he died in order to make peace. I thought it would be good for both of us. I had not been to town he lived in for twenty years. I rented a car, made arrangements to stay with an aunt on my mother’s side of family and booked a flight.
