Written by James L. Snyder

This week I celebrate another birthday, which brings me to that auspicious milestone where I am right between 52 and 54. A person only comes to this stage of life once, so I am going to makerepparttar most of it.

This year I plan celebrating my 29th birthday. I figure it's my birthday, so I should be able to celebrate whichever one I please. Twenty-nine isrepparttar 118175 perfect age; this isrepparttar 118176 third time for me to celebrate it and it probably will not berepparttar 118177 last.

At 29, you are not overrepparttar 118178 hill and yet you are far enough from those turbulent teenage years not to be mistaken by anyone for a teenager. Everybody knows that 30 is overrepparttar 118179 hill and it is all down hill from there. However, it can be a pleasant slide into those golden years, so they tell me.

I have come to this conclusion. When a person reaches 30, they should celebrate their birthday every other year, then, after 50 only celebrate their birthday whenever they remember it. It will cut down onrepparttar 118180 fire hazard some birthday cakes pose. A person should only be as old asrepparttar 118181 birthdays they can remember.

Lying about one's age has become an acceptable practice for many. Women, in particular, have masteredrepparttar 118182 finesse in this area. After all, what man in his right mind (if you can find one in his right mind) would ever accuse a woman, especially his wife, of fibbing here?

As long as there are stretch marks, people will stretchrepparttar 118183 truth about their nativity. Beware ofrepparttar 118184 person who does not lie about their age. They are trying to throw you off guard for something.

Men can lie about their golf game, or how bigrepparttar 118185 fish that got away was but when it comes to their age, women have them beat, hands down. Men have never masteredrepparttar 118186 technique crucial to lying about how many candles should go on that annual cake.

Men have a ridiculous notion that getting older is good. "I'm 65 and still can dorepparttar 118187 work of any 25-year-old," isrepparttar 118188 boast you often hear fromrepparttar 118189 male populous. Most women will never admit to being 65, let alone comparing themselves to some 25-year-old.

This brings me to a very important inquiry: How to tell you're getting old. After all, old is relative - only your relatives are getting old.

The first telltale sign of getting older is that you begin to notice certain changes around you. For example, when I first began reading this newspaper they printed it in nice bold type. Now they are using much smaller print.

I thinkrepparttar 118190 change relates to some economical concernrepparttar 118191 publisher has. After all, smaller type means they can print more words per page. Ifrepparttar 118192 trend continues, they will be able to printrepparttar 118193 entire newspaper on one page.


Written by Theolonius McTavish

(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.

Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere inrepparttar universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth onrepparttar 118174 ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.

“IT” (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.

Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their “right mind” would be interested in visiting a planet called “IT”. Not being a linear thinker with an investment inrepparttar 118175 “right” answer, I didn’t give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?

If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from “The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life,repparttar 118176 Universe and Practically Everything Underrepparttar 118177 Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, “IT is a ’must-see’ for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.”

As planets go, “IT” is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception…repparttar 118178 welcome notice that reads, “Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome torepparttar 118179 furthest unexplored outreaches ofrepparttar 118180 Galaxy … Home torepparttar 118181 Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!”

“IT” is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made “IT” strictly speaking a strange place wasrepparttar 118182 fact thatrepparttar 118183 inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun. Lacking masticating capabilities,repparttar 118184 gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!

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