Getting married (or beginning an intimate relationship) is, in a way, like starting a business you’ve always wanted to own or a university program you’ve always wanted to enter.It may be relatively easy to begin but it is almost guaranteed to be very challenging to stay with it for
long-term and make it a success.
Which one do you think is harder? Being successful in your marriage? In your education? Or in your career?
They are all challenging to achieve for most of us. Yet they are also goals that most of us pursue or dream about. Not everybody wants to get married but most adults want to have some form of love relationship that feels good and is right for them. And topics in this article apply to all intimate and significant relationships, not just marriages.
Indeed drive to form and maintain a successful love relationship seems to be consistently strong in most adults. And I have observed this repeatedly in my work as individual and couples therapist.
At same time our 50 % + divorce rate clearly communicates message that making our love relationship last and flourish is difficult. If we add to high occurrences of divorce, numerous unhappy marriages out there in which partners feel hopelessly stuck my point becomes even more clear.
In my work as a mental health clinician I have seen marital and relationship discord often. And as a husband in an 11-year marriage I have felt severe pains of marital crisis.
Along way I have formed some wisdom on ways to understand, preserve, and improve your marriage. I teach these in a workshop called “All About Love” and will present them in this article. Also you can log onto my website at www.loveyoursoul.com for additional information.
Please keep in mind that most of advice I am providing below apply and are suggested to both you and your partner even if I do not always mention him or her. However in event that your significant other is not willing to follow this advice, I suggest that you do them on your own and invite your partner to join you as soon as possible.
1. EXPECT RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
All or most marriages run into small and large problems eventually. Some marital problems can be anticipated and avoided. Others cannot be foreseen and must be faced, worked through, and resolved by both partners.
Marital crisis is often very painful to go through. But that does not mean that marriage should be ended.
Conflicts are often tests of strength of love relationship. These are tests that both partners must take and pass before marriage can graduate to a higher level of mutual satisfaction.
Your marital problem should tell you that there are some things that you have not understood about your partner and vice versa. You may also have lost hope for relationship and neglected each other’s needs.
There is work to be done by each of you. It will probably be hard work but it is also required work to help resolve your marital conflict and for each of you to grow personally.
2. OBTAIN OUTSIDE HELP
The pain and complexity of marital crisis often handicap couples’ ability to resolve problem on their own. It is important that you start receiving couples counseling soon after crisis begins because longer you wait more difficult it will be to save marriage. You should treat crisis as a relationship emergency and act right away to get all help you need.
It is important that you find a therapist who has experience, knowledge, and motivation to treat marital problems. Also you and your partner should collaborate in order to choose a therapist who seems right for treating your marriage.
Also there are many organizations that provide relationship services. You can locate them through internet, phone book, your church, etc. I like services advertised on websites: imagorelationships.com and embracemarriage.com .
In addition you can request help from mature friends or relatives that you trust. Their help can be valuable and may include sharing their own experiences with marital problems, listening to you, or offering other support.
