HOW TO DO EVERYTHING WITH ...XP --Or, are you sure Windows XP can fly me to moon and back? --

The world is moving at a break-neck speed these days, so it’s no wonder we’re impressed as heck with turbo-charged racing cars, bored out of our trees with fast food, and whacked out of our gourds by something called jet lag.

So, it’s not surprising that in a world that professes to have solutions to fit your problems that a book would published entitled, “How to Do Everything with Windows XP”.

For residents of planet earth who don’t own book let alone a computer, dweebs who haven’t got a clue how to operate a computer, a DVD player, or an I-Pod for that matter and dingbats who prefer using a pencil and paper – this breathtaking book will regrettably do nothing to improve their lot in life.

It would be nice to think that computer hardware and software is a match made in heaven. But few of us understand intricate workings of these digital doom machines that often go belly up from back-door bugs, virulent viruses, and nefarious nuisances called Trojan horses.

So, I’m not inclined to put too much faith in a book or a machine that guarantees my life will be worry-free, painless, and cost less than a visit to Tooth Fairy-Godfather.

THINGS YOU CAN LEARN FROM A GEODUCK

-- Or, what doesn’t have web feet, feathers and can’t even quack? --

By Truman Tockhole III, a casual observer of alien artifacts, odd orifices and strange stuff found underwater, below ground, in refrigerator, or beneath one’s bed

What does one do with an empty calendar?

The simple answer is to fill in blanks with all manner of really important things to do. Or, if you’re like some folks, (with neither a calendar nor a “to-do” list), it’s your lucky day to engage in diddly squat, or if you prefer, zilch.

But, if perchance you have a curious gene in your blessed body like yours truly, you may want to learn some rather important lessons of life from a “geoduck”.

With a mere 39,000 websites devoted to this longest living creature on earth, you’d think everyone would know a thing or two about this little gem that lives in a shell beneath sea.

Okay, so you're not up to snuff on humble geoduck. Trust me, being an edible, five-pound clam from Pacific Coast does have certain advantages.

-- For one thing, it’s a dandy little handle to have, but few can pronounce this seven-letter word correctly (it’s “gooey-duck” if you really want to know).