Written by Theolonius McTavish

Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.


--Or, Welcome to Climax, Saskatchewan!

Canada is a pretty straight-laced, peaceful place, where seldom is heard a discouraging word andrepparttar skies are not cloudy all day, except for eleven and a half months ofrepparttar 148458 year affectionately called "winter", (when everyone goes inside for a break fromrepparttar 148459 bugs, barking dogs, or far too many exposed bosoms and buttocks -- euphemistically referred to as "bare essentials").

So, one might casually ask ... ifrepparttar 148460 deer and antelope are out prancing about onrepparttar 148461 back forty, whilerepparttar 148462 beaver are bustling about making dams all day long, andrepparttar 148463 blessed birds are freezing their little tails off busking for a living in downtown Toronto ...what pray tell arerepparttar 148464 citizens of this fine country doing to have a good time (besides playing hockey ...or hooky asrepparttar 148465 case may be)?

Well, judging fromrepparttar 148466 pleasantly playful yet provocative placenames dottingrepparttar 148467 deepfreeze landscape called Canada, perhapsrepparttar 148468 reader will be able judge just what pastimes piquerepparttar 148469 curiosity of a Canuck.

-- Ass Hill (Newfoundland) -- Bareneed (Newfoundland) -- Bath (New Brunswick) -- Begin (Quebec) -- Beamsville, Ontario -- Belly River (Alberta) -- Big Bras d’Or (Nova Scotia) -- Billy Butts Pond (Newfoundland) -- Blissville (New Brunswick) -- Bonanza (Alberta) -- Buttonville (Ontario) -- Carrying Place (Ontario) -- Chance Harbour (Nova Scotia) -- Chase (British Columbia) -- Cherryville (British Columbia) -- Come-By-Chance (Newfoundland) -- Comfort Cove (Newfoundland) -- Community Punch Bowl (Alberta) -- Conception Harbour (Newfoundland) -- Conquest (Saskatchewan) -- Crotch Lake (Ontario) -- Cruise Lake (Ontario) -- Cupids (Newfoundland) -- Curve Lake (Ontario) -- Dipper Harbour (Newfoundland) -- Dixville (Quebec) -- Ebb and Flow (Manitoba) -- Exploits River (Newfoundland) -- Fascination Mountain (British Columbia) -- Fanny Bay (British Columbia) -- Fertile (Saskatchewan) -- Finger (Manitoba) -- Flat Top (Yukon Territories) -- Forget (Saskatchewan) -- Fortune (Newfoundland) -- Freedom (Alberta) -- Fruitvale (British Columbia) -- Funnybone Lake (Ontario) -- Fox Roost (Newfoundland) -- Gander (Newfoundland) -- Good Neighbour Peak (Yukon Territories) -- Grande Entrée (Québec) -- Ha! Ha! Baie des (Québec) -- Halfmoon Bay (British Columbia) -- Halfway Point (Newfoundland) -- Happy Adventure (Newfoundland) -- Happy Valley-Goose Bay (Newfoundland) -- Happyland (Ontario) -- Havelock (Quebec) -- Heart’s Content (Newfoundland) -- Heart’s Delight (Newfoundland) -- Heart’s Desire (Newfoundland) -- Holdfast (Saskatchewan) -- Honey Harbour (Ontario) -- Hooker Mountain (British Columbia) -- Hooping Harbour (Newfoundland) -- Hope (British Columbia) -- Kinkora (Prince Edward Island) -- Lady Slipper (Prince Edward Island) -- Lapland (Nova Scotia) -- Leading Tickles (Newfoundland) -- Liberty (Saskatchewan)

Tranni D’Electric and why men are such pleasant pigs!

Written by Tranni D'Electric.

My daddy always said that men are great with a shovel. My mammy always said that women are great at emotional issues. I say that men are pleasant pigs and women are pleasant pig observers.

Since I left high school, my opinions have been gradually changing. I used to think that boys were smelly but now I’m sure. I used to think that men are smellier versions of boys, but now I’m convinced. I used to think that dirty men were exceptional and now I know that they are exceptional; exceptionally smelly.

I used to read that pigs were actually clean, but now know that it was a myth, but also that it was a true statement, relative to men. Pigs grunt less, and tend not to piss onrepparttar toilet seat. Pigs tend not to deny where they piss either.

Please don’t get me wrong. I like men and one can become accustomed to any odour. It isrepparttar 148397 design and nature ofrepparttar 148398 olfactory senses and is a preserving biological feature. If we must live with a smell, then it won’t affect us allrepparttar 148399 time!

If onlyrepparttar 148400 eyes had a similar feature, then we wouldn’t have to look at piss onrepparttar 148401 toilet seat, allrepparttar 148402 time. (I’ll see if I can construct something inrepparttar 148403 laboratory, to achieve this end. Watch out for my next article entitled “Artificial Blindness and Toilet Seat Technology”).

I will even attempt to invent a “pants-mounted” vacuum cleaner (without any special side effects), which might eliminate men from “the liquid exchange element” of toilets and their functions. However, I don’t envisage any device of mine, eliminatingrepparttar 148404 “solids exchange” elements of toilet function. What I mean is that men still won’t flushrepparttar 148405 toilet after a dump! So while I might be able to induce some artificial blindness with respect torepparttar 148406 piss, solids will still be in sight with respect to smell. And unless one was to designaterepparttar 148407 toilet asrepparttar 148408 primary living space within a structure (house, etc.), then any biological abilities to become accustomed torepparttar 148409 smell ofrepparttar 148410 “floaters” would be useless!

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