John wanted a particular week off this summer to attend a family reunion. It was particularly important to him for two reasons: for
first time, every single member of family would be there, and it would be on Maui. He checked office schedule and found that another member of his team had already booked same time away. Disappointedly he told his family he could not attend. The answer he accepted was 'No'. The truth was that co-worker who booked that time off had chosen her week off at random. A simple request from John would have been all that was required for her to change her dates. What was going on here?
EXPECTATIONS
Our expectations in any relationship are based on history, on how things have worked in past. Interestingly, we will even take someone else's history as evidence. Does this make sense? Sometimes, yes, and sometimes, no.
There are very few true 'laws'. People do not do same things in same ways with same people in every case. Yet, often , we behave as though this is true. If it happened once, it will always happen! If it happened to someone, it will happen to me.
Sure, it makes sense to stay away from sharks. They usually attack and you look like food. As there is likely no good reason to approach a shark, there is no problem. What, though, if that shark had your son's arm in its mouth? You would likely take some action to get what you want.
The same is true at office. When something is important to you and contributes to your well-being, it requires action. History may have told you that asking may be difficult, timing may be tricky and receiving may be unlikely, but, if you do not ask, answer will always be 'No!".
RELATIONSHIPS
It's true that we are most comfortable asking those folks we know least and those we know best for something we want. It's simply easiest! Folks unknown to you come with no expectation of outcome. Rejection from them is easier to handle. Folks you know well will either give you what you want or, at least, soften their refusal by taking care of relationship. It's those in-between folks that are daunting.
When you ask someone for help, you are telling them that you believe they have skills or experience to give you that help. Don't you feel good when someone asks for your help? Of course, we're not talking about those few folks who are always asking for it, those who are too lazy, too busy or too demanding.
