She found out differently. The house was a mess and had not been cleaned well in some time and needed quite a bit of maintenance as things were starting to fall apart. Bottles of pills were outdated indicating they hadn’t been taking them as prescribed. The refrigerator was almost empty of nourishing food. She felt guilty, why hadn’t she seen it before, seen it coming, read between lines?

But truth is that an elders situation can deteriorate quite quickly: a year, 6 months even 3 months can make a big difference in one’s abilities. Each person and situation and condition is different.

Annie easily slipped into becoming sole caregiver of her parents. What started out as monthly grocery shopping for them, over course of 2 years became a full time duty, an overwhelming burden and just about broke her emotionally and financially.

They say that it’s good that primary caregivers don’t know what to expect or they would not enter into situation. That is only true if they aren’t honest with themselves and with others, don’t research many options and review abundant material now available to families. Not everyone can take on responsibility for any number of reasons. So potential caregivers of aging parents should ask themselves following questions as need for care and assistance begins to grow:

-What level of care am I able or willing to provide? -At what point will I need to involve a professional, like a care manager or lawyer? -How has my family resolved issues in past involving difficult and complex concerns? -Are my loved ones very private people and how can I best be respectful? -What is my relationship with other care providers and how are our roles similar or different? -Do I have feeling my loved ones are making right decisions about their future? Do other caregivers agree with me?