HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Is it Time for That Talk?Written by Linda LaPointe
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Is it Time for That Talk? word count 772Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents get washer & dryer moved from basement to a bedroom on first floor after her mom missed last step & broke her toe. Annie reassured them that she would make sure they would stay in their own home no matter what. Before she knew it she was fixing every supper for them at their home, taking care of yard and cleaning house on weekend. Then, Annie started to receive calls during day at work. Mom had an accident with car or Dad couldn't get out of bathtub. She hired a home care aide during weekdays after she talked them into selling car & accepting help for cleaning and cooking. Annie continued to promise her parents that they would live in their home forever. Her life was consumed with their care. She hid a house key outside their home after second time EMTs called in middle of night because they couldn't get into house for her dad who had fallen while going to bathroom in night & her mom couldn't get out of bed to unlock door. Annie hired a nighttime aide. They now had help 24 hours a day. After their phone was disconnected for non-payment, Annie finally realized that their mental capacities had degenerated, and convinced her parents she should take over their finances. It wasn't long before she discovered that her parents could not afford to pay for current arrangements for long. She was surprised how little money they had put away and how small their monthly income was. When she finally tried to discuss long term care needs with her parents, they were convinced that they were doing just fine on their own. They announced that they would stay right where they were even if they had to let night time help go, which was of course unthinkable. It was at this point that Annie came to see that they had slipped into an unrealistic state, believing that they were independent and she had never spoken with them about realities of aging and their possible needs for care. Annie’s kids claimed they felt like orphans, her husband threatened divorce and though her boss told her to take time she needed, she was unclear what that meant before her job was in jeopardy. Then, so suddenly it seemed Dad was in hospital with pneumonia and doctor said that a nursing home was probably imminent. Annie was exhausted, on verge of a breakdown and faced with calling her brother who had had little contact or time for his parents for past few years and lived a thousand miles away.
| | HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: START THAT CONVERSATIONWritten by Linda LaPointe
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: START THAT CONVERSATION Word count: 339Annie waited too long to have that talk with her parents. It was too late to have it now as they were both beyond comprehending seriousness of their situation. As a result, she had to break bad news to a long lost brother, and deal with her resistant parents who had convinced themselves that they were independent in their own home, while she had to make some very difficult decisions for them. It’s never too soon to begin discussion of aging. But if you have put it off, ease into that conversation as soon as first, what may seem minor event occurs which indicate a loved one’s independence may be in jeopardy. Since it is difficult to begin such a talk, here are some suggestions which may help: -use another family’s situation or news story as an example or starting point. -cut out an article or an ad as a reference point. -ask questions at a family gathering, but keep it light. -plan a family meeting with agenda known by all beforehand.
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