HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Ask yourself some questionsWritten by Linda LaPointe
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Ask yourself some questions WORD COUNT 477Annie easily slipped into becoming sole caregiver of her parents. What started out as monthly grocery shopping for them, over course of 2 years became a full time duty, an overwhelming burden and just about broke her emotionally and financially. They say that it’s good that primary caregivers don’t know what to expect or they would not enter into situation. That is only true if they aren’t honest with themselves and with others, don’t research many options and review abundant material now available to families. Not everyone can take on responsibility for any number of reasons. So potential caregivers of aging parents should ask themselves following questions as need for care and assistance begins to grow: -What level of care am I able or willing to provide? -At what point will I need to involve a professional, like a care manager or lawyer? -How has my family resolved issues in past involving difficult and complex concerns? -Are my loved ones very private people and how can I best be respectful? -What is my relationship with other care providers and how are our roles similar or different? -Do I have feeling my loved ones are making right decisions about their future? Do other caregivers agree with me? Gather important people who participate in caring for aging adult, then agree upon specific roles that each person will play. Be honest about what
| | HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Is it Time for That Talk?Written by Linda LaPointe
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Is it Time for That Talk? word count 772Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents get washer & dryer moved from basement to a bedroom on first floor after her mom missed last step & broke her toe. Annie reassured them that she would make sure they would stay in their own home no matter what. Before she knew it she was fixing every supper for them at their home, taking care of yard and cleaning house on weekend. Then, Annie started to receive calls during day at work. Mom had an accident with car or Dad couldn't get out of bathtub. She hired a home care aide during weekdays after she talked them into selling car & accepting help for cleaning and cooking. Annie continued to promise her parents that they would live in their home forever. Her life was consumed with their care. She hid a house key outside their home after second time EMTs called in middle of night because they couldn't get into house for her dad who had fallen while going to bathroom in night & her mom couldn't get out of bed to unlock door. Annie hired a nighttime aide. They now had help 24 hours a day. After their phone was disconnected for non-payment, Annie finally realized that their mental capacities had degenerated, and convinced her parents she should take over their finances. It wasn't long before she discovered that her parents could not afford to pay for current arrangements for long. She was surprised how little money they had put away and how small their monthly income was. When she finally tried to discuss long term care needs with her parents, they were convinced that they were doing just fine on their own. They announced that they would stay right where they were even if they had to let night time help go, which was of course unthinkable. It was at this point that Annie came to see that they had slipped into an unrealistic state, believing that they were independent and she had never spoken with them about realities of aging and their possible needs for care. Annie’s kids claimed they felt like orphans, her husband threatened divorce and though her boss told her to take time she needed, she was unclear what that meant before her job was in jeopardy. Then, so suddenly it seemed Dad was in hospital with pneumonia and doctor said that a nursing home was probably imminent. Annie was exhausted, on verge of a breakdown and faced with calling her brother who had had little contact or time for his parents for past few years and lived a thousand miles away.
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