Copyright by Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.
HOLIDAY IN HADES? -- Or, more about life in nether world from Our Man in Hades --
Who says things never change in Hades?
To remain competitive with "high-performance" earth-bound products and "excellent" customer service ratings in Paradise, underworld Inferno (affectionately known as "the abyss"), has spruced things up a bit to satisfy growing demands of well-heeled travellers.
A review of HOT press releases, (those emanating from "Hades Office of Tourism"), indicates that major continuous improvement initiatives are now underway.
Big changes are taking place following a comprehensive 360-degree, year-long audit of "Devil-May-Care" brand products and co-branded "Hot-To-Trot" service offerings.
Visitors (from Purgatory) and permanent residents (of Pandemonium) will be pleased to learn that following improvements are being made to make their stay more worry-free and enjoyable.
-- The Department of Highways has announced that it plans to provide better signage warning prospective visitors that, "The Road to Hades is paved with good intentions but due to budgetary cutbacks, visitors are asked to fill in any potholes they come across with their own brand of excuses".
-- The Ministry of Justice has indicated that it intends to remedy lack of peace, order and good government by appointing a Devil's Advocate Support Counsellor for victims of heavenly hopes and delightful dreams who may have slid between many cracks, nooks or crannies commonly found in Hades.
-- The Hades Public Service Commission has announced that it will henceforth abolish inflammatory words like "damnation" from public policy manuals as it has been shown to reduce productivity of bureaucrats and mandarins alike.
-- Pandemonium Hotels & Suites, having read their customer-response cards, are now pleased to launch a "bed of nails" weekend spa special designed to attract a new niche market -- hard-to-please, mud-in-your-eye, pain-in-the-butt clientele.
-- Fire & Brimstone Retailers plan to hold monthly "Red Devil Days" in order to meet an overwhelming demand for "Faustian bargains" on crimson-red flame-retardant satin body suits with matching slippers, three-pronged stainless steel pitch forks, "holy" smoke alarms, fragance-free foam fire extinguishers, not to mention ruby-red plaque-fighting mouthwash.