Written by Theolonius McTavish

Copyright by Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.

HOLIDAY IN HADES? -- Or, more about life inrepparttar nether world from Our Man in Hades --

Who says things never change in Hades?

To remain competitive with "high-performance" earth-bound products and "excellent" customer service ratings in Paradise,repparttar 118139 underworld Inferno (affectionately known as "the abyss"), has spruced things up a bit to satisfyrepparttar 118140 growing demands of well-heeled travellers.

A review of HOT press releases, (those emanating fromrepparttar 118141 "Hades Office of Tourism"), indicates that major continuous improvement initiatives are now underway.

Big changes are taking place following a comprehensive 360-degree, year-long audit of "Devil-May-Care" brand products and co-branded "Hot-To-Trot" service offerings.

Visitors (from Purgatory) and permanent residents (of Pandemonium) will be pleased to learn thatrepparttar 118142 following improvements are being made to make their stay more worry-free and enjoyable.

-- The Department of Highways has announced that it plans to provide better signage warning prospective visitors that, "The Road to Hades is paved with good intentions but due to budgetary cutbacks, visitors are asked to fill in any potholes they come across with their own brand of excuses".

-- The Ministry of Justice has indicated that it intends to remedyrepparttar 118143 lack of peace, order and good government by appointing a Devil's Advocate Support Counsellor for victims of heavenly hopes and delightful dreams who may have slid betweenrepparttar 118144 many cracks, nooks or crannies commonly found in Hades.

-- The Hades Public Service Commission has announced that it will henceforth abolish inflammatory words like "damnation" from public policy manuals as it has been shown to reducerepparttar 118145 productivity of bureaucrats and mandarins alike.

-- Pandemonium Hotels & Suites, having read their customer-response cards, are now pleased to launch a "bed of nails" weekend spa special designed to attract a new niche market --repparttar 118146 hard-to-please, mud-in-your-eye, pain-in-the-butt clientele.

-- Fire & Brimstone Retailers plan to hold monthly "Red Devil Days" in order to meet an overwhelming demand for "Faustian bargains" on crimson-red flame-retardant satin body suits with matching slippers, three-pronged stainless steel pitch forks, "holy" smoke alarms, fragance-free foam fire extinguishers, not to mention ruby-red plaque-fighting mouthwash.

The Texas Trail

Written by James Collins

The Texas Trail

A few weeks ago I received an email from my ISP company. For those who don't know what that is, it's a company which hosts websites. This particular organisation is very large and very well known. I'll call it 'Wahoo!' The email was torepparttar effect that due to an error on their part, Wahoo! had not been billing me forrepparttar 118138 last six months. Sincerepparttar 118139 fault was theirs they were going to cut their losses and not charge me.

Very civilized of them to write offrepparttar 118140 back-payments like that, I thought, and then I forgot about it for a week in my usual efficient manner. After all, we were only talking about a few dollars a month. A week afterrepparttar 118141 first bland and kindly email another one came. No more Mr Nice Guy. This one announced that Wahoo! intended to delete my site in three days, and would I like to back up my files? Ok, I thought, no problem. I should have backed up my files some time ago; this would teach me a lesson.

It was only when I sat down to begin saving my pages that I realized I didn't know how to do it! I called in a friend who was attending an evening class in computer maintenance, and he couldn't do it either. I should explain here that I started my website two years ago and there were now 112 pages on it. Some of these were link pages and some contained only one image (enlargements of smaller images), but still - a lot of pages.

Having begun in complete ignorance I'd like to think that now I'm almost an expert in designing web pages, or at least my own pages, although I'm not sure I would have started at all if I'd known how much work was involved. Onrepparttar 118142 other hand I'm not so good onrepparttar 118143 basic, ordinary computer operations, as I was finding out.

By this timerepparttar 118144 cut-off point was just two days away and it wasrepparttar 118145 week-end, as it always is whenrepparttar 118146 ship starts to sink. I now pressedrepparttar 118147 panic button. You know when Ripley clicks homerepparttar 118148 detonater in 'Alien' andrepparttar 118149 klaxon starts up,repparttar 118150 ship fills with steam and that annoying 'speaking clock' voice starts to count downrepparttar 118151 seconds? That was me. (Nobody can hear you scream in your computer room). At least Ripley had a gunrepparttar 118152 size of a small car to give her confidence. Anyway, I finally managed to find a professional who was willing to give up his week-end to help out - for a price. Even he took a day to figure out how to save my pages.

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