Guys Love What Women Don't

Written by Ed Williams

Remember last week’s column when I talked about that annoying little habit women have of wanting to eat food off a man’s plate when they’re out with one of us at a restaurant? Well, I had a certain lady write me an email in response, and she told me that she somewhat agreed with me re what I was saying, but, added that it really didn’t matter too much as, “...getting upset about us eating food off a man’s plate is strictly a guy’s thing. It‘s no big deal to us.”

A guy’s thing. I’ve heard that terminology since back in high school when I first started dating. What it refers to isrepparttar fact that there are just some things that men like that women don’t. Those little things that separaterepparttar 118064 sexes, and make them what they are. And, after thinking for a good twenty seconds, I’m gonna be kind enough to list what some ofrepparttar 118065 major “guy’s things” are:

1. The Three Stooges - For some unknown reason, guys loverepparttar 118066 Stooges and women don’t. What’s not to love? They exhibited some ofrepparttar 118067 greatest physical comedy ever, and some of their sayings were priceless. Remember some of these routines:

Curly: “Whatja say?”

Moe: *gives Curly a two-finger eye poke*

Curly: “That’s what I thought ya said.”


Shemp: (Looking into a mirror) “There I yam - and as pretty as a picture.”

Moe: “Yeah. Of an ape.” (Then slaps Shemp hard).

Isn’t that great? I’ll bet lots of you guys out there are laughing out loud. Onrepparttar 118068 other hand, I’ll bet that most of you ladies are saying, “I just don’t get it, I never thoughtrepparttar 118069 Stooges were all that funny.” This is a great first example of a “guy’s thing.” But there’s plenty more.

2. Mountain Dew - Diet Mountain Dew is my favorite soft drink inrepparttar 118070 world. I love its mellow, citrus based taste, and it has more caffeine in it than any other soft drink. But, what I’ve discovered is, try offering one to a woman. For some unknown reason, experience has taught me that eight out of ten women will turn a Mountain Dew down, saying, “I just don’t like it.” What’s not to like? It tastes good, keeps you awake, and it looksrepparttar 118071 same leaving your body as when it went in. A totally useful product.

Women Own Weddings!

Written by Ed Williams

This week we’re going to coverrepparttar subject of weddings fromrepparttar 118063 man’s point of view....

That’s right, this week we’re gonna cover weddings fromrepparttar 118064 man’s point of view. And why not? It’s June, right? The big wedding month? Well, okay then, let’s get down to business. Of allrepparttar 118065 activities or events that there are out there, one ofrepparttar 118066 most feminine dominated ones are wedding ceremonies. Okay, laugh if you will, make allrepparttar 118067 comments you want about how weddings are for bothrepparttar 118068 man and woman, and then sit back and answerrepparttar 118069 following questions to see if I’m not hittin’ it dead onrepparttar 118070 target...

What gender typically directsrepparttar 118071 wedding ceremony?

Whose preacher typically conductsrepparttar 118072 wedding ceremony?

Who is ninety plus percent ofrepparttar 118073 crowd there to see,repparttar 118074 about-to-be new husband orrepparttar 118075 about-to-be new wife?

Who benefits most fromrepparttar 118076 bridal registry?

Which gender most enjoys dressing up forrepparttar 118077 ceremony, and which gender’s feet hurt for days afterwards on account of having to wear black leather shoes with triple thick soles?

Whose wedding clothing is preserved for posterity afterwards, and whose is immediately taken back torepparttar 118078 rental place?

(..and here’s one to see if y’all are still paying attention) What gender typically pays forrepparttar 118079 whole ceremony?

See what I mean? And it gets even worse forrepparttar 118080 poor man involved. A guy who has a zillion girlfriends can announce one day that he’s found someone to marry, and everyone will laugh and wonder why he’s bothering to go through with a wedding at all, sort ofrepparttar 118081 “why buy a cow....” type analogy. But, let a woman live with a man for ten years and then announce that she’s marrying him and having a big ceremony, well, no one will say ten words aboutrepparttar 118082 insanity of it all, in fact, it‘s usually applauded. Why? But it gets even worse for us males -repparttar 118083 man, right afterrepparttar 118084 ceremony, will be whisked away along with his new bride over torepparttar 118085 wedding reception. This will typically be a super nice, catered affair, and one thatrepparttar 118086 man has somewhat looked forward to as he has had to starve himself for several hours prior torepparttar 118087 ceremony (he can’t have noises rumbling out of his stomach for everyone to hear whilerepparttar 118088 vows are being recited, you know). As soon as he gets a little plate of food and readies himself for some much needed nutrition, he’ll be hemmed up by some of his new bride’s relatives and told to “be good to her,” or “treat her like we always did,” and my all-time personal favorite, “we’ll be keeping an eye on you.” Whatrepparttar 118089 male discovers overrepparttar 118090 next few years is that most ofrepparttar 118091 relatives who made these statements are either unemployed, struggling with substance abuse problems, or else follow religions involvingrepparttar 118092 handling of dangerous reptiles. Of course, in all fairness, all families have their share of drunks and losers, but for some reasonrepparttar 118093 new bride’s deadbeat ones want to dole out lots of advice torepparttar 118094 groom right afterrepparttar 118095 wedding. I guess that’s because they realize thatrepparttar 118096 man will soon discoverrepparttar 118097 true scoop, and as a result they’ll never be able to give out any advice again, so they have to take full advantage of their one good chance to do so.

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