We recently asked some introverts about their childhood, elementary and high school experiences so we could give you a good idea of
dynamics of introversion from real people rather than opinion of experts. Their answers may surprise you.If you’re raising an introverted child, you may learn from real lives of introverts what it is they liked and didn’t like about “growing up”.
Introverts make up about 25% of population. If parents don’t understand and advocate for their introverted children, they can get lost in a world designed by and for others. For example, introverts shy away from noise, crowds and bright lights. As you will see from our conversations with them, they often prefer quieter and more highly personalized pursuits. High school, especially, can be a negative experience because it is … noisy, crowded and over stimulating
Introverts are also very territorial. To touch their things, pat their shoulder, ruffle their hair and ask them to share a room with a sibling can be very stressful. Ideally, every introvert would have a room of their own with a door that closes. Please don’t consider this anti-social behavior. This is how introverts recharge their batteries.
In our online survey, we asked introverts what they remembered as their most pleasant pastimes and activities as children. We also asked them about their first day in school. We wanted to know how they liked elementary school and what activities they engaged in after school.
Sara-Ann said, “I liked to run around outside when there were too many people in house … like T.V. was on and someone was cooking in kitchen and there was lots of noise.”
Mark said, “I played a lot alone, read a lot and enjoyed sports...alone. I remember day dreaming A LOT.”
Ann explained, “I liked elementary school as long as I could be allowed to play alone. Whenever I was forced to play with others, I tended to become leader, ironically. My theory is that I spent so much time alone that I was able to develop play plans complete with instructions and I noticed that sociable kids had a sort of freeform way of playing which they seemed to enjoy but which would, because of lack of outlines, devolve into confrontations between them. So when I was forced to interact with them, I came with fun ideas of things to do but they were organized and other kids gravitated towards organized play. Weird, huh?”
Ann sounds like an INTJ type of introvert. Did you know there are eight different types? INTJ introverts are called “the Mastermind”. They like to move people around like chess pieces and Ann is just doing what comes naturally. Please learn more about your child’s introversion. There is much to learn.
In further reflecting on this childhood experience, Ann added, “I have a feeling that loners often appear to others as self-contained and perhaps organized because we usually have time to think things through until we come up with complete plans. People, I've noticed, like to follow those they perceive as knowing what they're doing.”
We asked introverts if their parents tried to force them to socialize. One woman, who preferred to remain anonymous replied, “My parents did pressure me to have friends. They did not understand difficulty that I had navigating through cliques and they were not sympathetic to my feelings about forced association. At a grown-up party, for example, [they’d say] "There's a girl from your class ... go and play with her.” [This] only made me want to reply, “Yes, I recognized her thank you. I see her every day and I'd rather go sit in car and read ... because if I was social, if I wanted to socialize, I would have run up to other child and said ‘let's play’! Duh.”
When asked how they felt about their teachers, this anonymous reply was typical. “I idealized and adored my teachers until older years when they made us participate in groups or paired us up to work on projects. I was a loner. I had friends but my extroverted teachers were always trying to turn classes into "mixers" hoping to keep re-capture adolescent attention.”
An introvert named Leslie had this experience in school, “As a general rule, yes. Being nerdy student type, I was a lot more attracted to teacher than a lot of my fellow students.”
As a matter of fact, many introverts become “teacher’s pet” because they are easy to manage in classroom. This doesn’t mean they are shy, however, any more than because they don’t speak up in class means they have nothing to say. Introverts general prefer writing to speaking. About elementary school in general, Glenn replied, “Elementary school was difficult.... As I progressed in grades and on to middle and high school, my grades and attitude improved. But 8 straight hours of people was hard. I remember liking story time and having to put our heads down on desk best because it was quiet.”
Many introverted children suffer from over stimulation of school activities and programs planned for extroverts. Since introverts give energy when involved with others, they can return home completely exhausted after a day crowded with people and activities. Please let your introverted child go to their room and close door! This is how they recharge their batteries.
