If tears are an indication of how special my relationship with my mother was, I cry with pride! I’ve come to see grief as pain with a purpose. Interestingly enough, as I cared for my mother in my home
last several weeks of her life, much of what I had learned through spiritual teachings about death had gone out window. It seemed as though I were losing her forever! At times, I wallowed in sadness and self-pity.Living life in slow motion, I gazed off into my own inner space, sobbed, and occasionally argued with that part of my mind that did not want my mother to go. Even what I had learned about self-care was not accessible to me since I seemed to exist ‘in a fog.’ I wasn’t getting enough sleep and I felt scared and alone; but not for long!
I finally came to rest on spiritual foundation that has carried me this far in life. What a respite those teachings became as I was able to see my grief as a journey of spiritual unfoldment. Grief is a normal and natural reaction to loss yet our society seems to hurry along feelings around transitions that take time to heal. We grieve what could have been and what we feel ‘should’ have been, along with not being able to see our loved one again, on Earth anyway!
The grief that I felt was really just me focusing on idea that her life was ending. Using Spiritual principles, I was able to then focus on truth, which is that Spirit, which is who we really are, is eternal! She too, would live on…
I feel like a large part of me died along with my mother. Maybe it was a part of me that was ready to be put at rest. Her death has created a void in me that I can choose to fill as I’d like. As I open up even more to greater spiritual understanding, I am learning to trust whole process of life, including death.
I have come to see this “mourning after” as a time to heal, to heal unprocessed sadness in my life, including disappointments from relationships, jobs ending sooner than I would have liked, losing beloved pets, and moving from town to town as I grew up. There are opportunities inherent in life's changes that are a gateway to greater personal and spiritual growth. The dynamics of change can be stepping stones to open up to fullness of God’s love.
