I've been known to be somewhat opinionated. Oops. My wife just caught that typo. I am told I have been known to be VERY opinionated. I have at least two opinions on just about every topic. I am sure there are times when people have felt like rearranging my face. Unfortunately (for them!) there is no legal method for them to do that.

Being a kind and generous individual, I have been searching for ways to help these unfortunate victims of my over-active opinionation. Finally, I have found a way to rearrange my face.

I have grown a beard.

It was so easy, you can do it, too.

Here is how I did it. (Ladies, please don't try this at home.) On Day 1, I did nothing. On Day 2, I did nothing again. On Day 3, I did nothing twice. On Day 4, I verified that nothing was still being done. Then I simply repeated cycle.

It's been about five or six weeks, and my face is definitely rearranged.

To tell truth, decision to grow my beard was not just to atone for my hyperopinionation. In fact, what I really wanted to do was to see how I looked in a beard. Curiosity is real reason I have been growing a beard.

Oops, there goes my ever-efficient wife, catching a typo again. I am told that line should have read: "Laziness is real reason I have been growing a beard."

Truth be told, I did four-day nothing cycle more by accident. When you work out of home and have nobody to impress but a skunk, a stray cat, cherry tree and a handful of sparrows, days can just kind of get away from you. Before I knew it, I had foundation of a beard.

It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy when your child is sick. But most unjoy is when you AND your child are sick together.

That happened to my poor wife a few weeks ago. She and Little Lady, going on three years old, both had a cold -- with all sneezing and wheezing, hacking and coughing, wailing and whining required for a certificate of authenticity.

Little Lady normally bubble-pops with zest and vigor. Actually "bursting at seems, bouncing off walls and ka-booming through roof" would be a more accurate description. So it was quite eerie to see her mope around like drooping leaves of a Siberian Peonies that's been fed too much stale beer...not that I have a clue how drooping leaves of a Siberian Peonies that's been fed too much stale beer would look.

Every now and then, moping would be punctuated with a sneeze. Little Lady has a most flamboyant sneezing style, adorning walls in unique patterns. No corner of room is safe when she sneezes. In fact, her projection has taught her baby sister in her playpen across room fine art of dodging.

While I was cleaning up Little Lady's flamboyance, my wife was trying to sooth a sore throat that was threatening to rip her very insides apart. Normally she doesn’t drink tea. Normally we don't even use kettle, except to heat water for warming up baby's bottle.

But this day was different. My wife was sick and she wanted a cup of tea. So she turned on already full kettle, waited for it to sing, poured water over a tea bag and sat down to enjoy a soothing cup of tea.

I walked into room. Frequent readers will recognize this critical error of mine from past columns. You'd think I would learn.

"This tea is soooo good, honey," she said.

"Uh, where did water come from?"