Ask yourself these powerful questions: 1. Are you affected by what happens to you? 2. Do you affect what happens to you? 3. Which would you prefer?

In The Art of Possibility, authors Rosamund and Benjamin Zander remind us of our tremendous ability to attract what we want in our lives by being purposeful. In addition to being co-author of this wonderful book, Ben Zander is also conductor of Boston Philharmonic Orchestra and a teacher at New England Conservatory of Music. After 25 years of teaching, Ben Zander recognized that students would be in such a chronic state of anxiety over measurement of their performance that they would be reluctant to take risks with their playing. One evening Ben brainstormed with his wife, Roz (she is a therapist), to see if they could think of something that would dispel students' anticipation of failure. Here's what they came up with… Ben had a class of 30 graduate students taking a two-semester exploration into art of musical performance, including psychological and emotional factors that can stand in way of great music-making. He announced at beginning of semester that each student in class would be getting an A for course. However, they were asked to fulfill one requirement to earn this grade. Sometime during next two weeks, each student was to write him a letter dated for following May, which began with words, "Dear Mr. Zander, I got my A because...". In letter they were to tell a detailed story of what would have happened to them by next May that was in line with them receiving an A in his class.

In other words, Zander asked students to place themselves in future, looking back, and to report on all insights they acquired and milestones they attained during school year, as if those accomplishments were already in past. He asked them to write about person they would have become by next May. You'll have to get The Art of Possibility to read some of amazing letters Ben Zander received from his students.

If you want to be successful in life, business, or relationships, you must learn one simple secret. That secret is ... you must learn how to sell yourself!

Now before you get too antsy and worried, and begin to list all reasons why you are not a salesperson and you could never do this, please understand that selling yourself is not about learning and using finely honed sales skills like you would in business.

Selling yourself is as simple as way you present yourself.

Let's look at a common sense example from everyday life -- yourself!

If you are married, or even dating someone, this applies to you. Think back to your first date, or even your first several dates. Remember great care you took to make sure you looked good and were on time.

If you were supposed to pick your date up at 7pm, you made sure to block out enough time to shower, do your hair, get dressed in nice clothes, and leave with enough time to meet your deadline. Perhaps you even bought new clothes for occasion!

This is an example of selling yourself. You displayed interest in your appearance and confidence in yourself as you prepared for and executed this "sales plan."