Now that world has been overrun with flesh eating monsters its’ become more difficult to find fashionable merchandise. No longer are days of Channel spring lines and Ikea super sales. Now we must scavenge city, risking our lives in a quest for that perfect pair of shoes. Often I pretend like I’m living out Pretty Woman, except now when clerks don’t let me shop I take action with a double shot gun.

I say ‘we’ because there are others that survived. Not many, but there are a few. Mostly goths in black netting with pale white faces; apparently they looked too dead already. I was very lucky myself. You see, that particular day was a ‘me’ day, where I locked my doors, turned off phones and played Madonna, Cher, and Britney Spears on rotation for 18 hours. How fabulous! In any case I missed worst of it, and when I awoke from my blissful stupor I realized that my peaceful shopping days were over.

HAS AMERICA GONE TO THE DOGS? -- Or, "Woofstock" Here We Come! --

Canucks take a good deal of pride in their hockey, beer, and cellular telephones (especially those Fido commercials about perky pet-owners who bear a striking resemblance to their posh- or pathetic-looking pooches).

This weekend in Toronto, (the capital of everything BIG in Canada), they’re holding a weird and wonderful event, aptly called “Woofstock”, to celebrate man’s best friend (the dog) and to push every imaginable product and service to pamper one’s hip-looking hound.

The most fur-friendly towns in Canada are probably Dog Creek (British Columbia), Dog’s Nest (Ontario) and Dog Pound (Alberta). But, only place where they've actually waged a war over issue of Fido-freedom is in Victoria, British Columbia. Elected officials recently passed a bylaw permitting off-leash dog walking and piddling (with added bonus of doggie-doo-doo bags supplied free-of-charge in convenient receptacles) along scenic seashore and tourist-trap trail known as “Dallas Road”.

If you don't think that America has truly gone to dogs, then just take a peek at those nudge-nudge, wink-wink "bosom buddies" residing south of 49th parallel.

No less than 1,086 geographic features (including airports, bars, bays, beaches, bridges, buildings, canals, capes, cemeteries, channels, churches, cliffs, crossings, dams, flats, gaps, glaciers, islands, keys, lakes, mines, oilfields, parks, pillars, post-offices, ranges, reservoirs, ridges, schools, springs, streams, summits, swamps, valleys, and wells) are dedicated to these blessed bow-wowing creatures.

It may be a "dog-eat-dog world" out there but judging from plethora of pet-inspired U.S. place names, most fido-friendly towns to hang out in are probably:

- Big Lick (North Carolina) - Canine Gulch (Alaska) - Dog Bluff (South Carolina) - Dog Canyon Estates (New Mexico) - Dog Corners (Maine), Dogs Corners (New Jersey) - Dog Creek (Oklahoma, Kentucky) - Dog Ear Lake (Florida) - Dog Hill (Tennessee) - Dog Pond (Arizona) - Dog Hole Lake (Florida) - Doggie Island (South Carolina) - Doghouse Junction (California) - Dog Island (Florida) - Dog Island Corner (Maine) - Dogpatch (Alaska, Arkansas, Arizona), Dog Patch (West Virginia) - Dog Ridge (Texas) - Dogtail Corners (New York) - Dogtown (Alabama, California, Florida, Kentucky, Maryland, Maine, Mississippi, New England, New York, Pennsylvania, Tennessee) - Dogsboro (Georgia) - Dog Walk (Illinois, Kentucky) - Dogway (West Virginia) - Gnaw Bone (Indiana) - Licking (Mississippi) - Mutt (Virginia) - Paw Paw (Illinois) - Poocham (New Hampshire) - Tick Bite (North Carolina) - Township of Dog Ear (South Dakota)