Gaining a Child’s TrustWritten by Rexanne Mancini
My daughters and I went to beach several weeks ago. They were having a blast playing in freezing cold water as I tiptoed around waves, trying to keep my feet from becoming frost bitten. Next to us in water was a mother with her daughter who was no more than 18 months old. This woman was holding her frightened little girl hostage in ocean as bitter cold waves crashed into her and rushed back with a fierce undertow. The poor child was screaming and crying, begging to be rescued from torture. Her mother thought this was amusing. She laughed at her baby’s fear and grinned at everyone around her. I was disgusted and horrified. I finally told mother that I didn’t find situation at all funny. I have no idea if my words had any impact. By then, my own kids had finally remembered they had nerve endings and were shivering uncontrollably, begging for warmth of their dry towels and warm sweatshirts. We left water’s edge and sickening site of mother traumatizing baby. Did this mother realize she was probably investing her daughter with an irrational fear of ocean? I doubt it. When I see a parent forcing a child to tolerate something potentially fear inducing, it curdles my blood. This child was traumatized and her mother was not helping her escape offensive waves. She was cause of her child’s trauma. Where is trust in this relationship? Will this little girl grow up believing that her mother will always be there for her or resent her mom for belittling her sensitivities? I think latter. I dread thinking about all ways this child will, in turn, torture her mother without realizing why. Will she try drugs or alcohol at an early age? Will she indulge in promiscuous sexual behavior at an inappropriate time? Will she be so anesthetized to her self-worth that she drives her first car into a wall at 18? Could be.
| | Holiday ExpectationsWritten by Rexanne Mancini
As holidays approach, I find myself wondering how I’m going to accomplish all I expect of myself. I expect to have perfect presents under tree for an astounding number of people who will be visiting from out of town, besides usual round of gifts for my children, immediate family, close friends and significant others, such as teachers, school staff, hair dresser, manicurist, etc. Added to gift buying frenzy are countless trips to grocery and food specialty stores for feasts I expect to prepare, again for countless people I am expected to entertain during these holidays. What’s one person to do when it becomes overwhelming and seems there’s never going to be enough time, resources or energy to cope? Well, I’m not sure I have answer. What I’m thinking of doing is escaping to an undisclosed location to save my sanity, health and well-being. Naturally, this isn’t an option … I hold holidays too dear and my daughters have come to expect huge fanfare on these special days. I have set up their expectations of me, just as I have set up expectations of myself that I might not be able to pull off this year due to an unstable health condition and subsequent lack of mobility I’ve been accustomed to in years past. Mostly, I just want to be able to get it all done, as I have every other year, which is no longer an option so I am left to ponder my upcoming fate with dread of not performing or of falling short. I suspect “expectations” will somehow be met, only because I couldn’t bear to let my children down during most important season for meeting expectations. And I have set myself up for all of this, gladly, willingly, never expecting anything as mundane as “ill health” to interfere with our rituals and festivities. Never mind that this health condition was caused primarily by trying to cram five weeks worth of expectations into a ten day period when I over-booked myself with work, volunteering at my children’s schools at same time I was expected to take care of many other obligations and promises to family and friends. I think lesson here is to relinquish expectations of myself and scale down to a more manageable holiday routine, like it or not.
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