Good habits allow us to transition through our day on autopilot. So much so, we forget that our good habits have a bigger strong hold.

Dr. Phil McGraw, TV-psychologist and Oprah offspring, says that we need to, "Behave our way to success." I cringe when I hear this, don't you? It sounds so easy. Yet, we both know it isn't.

Positive psychology, scientific study of happy, confident people, presents many proven techniques that assist in transitioning bad habits into good habits. Here are four proven techniques:

1. In order to eliminate a bad habit, it must be overridden with a good habit. Not eliminated but replaced. When good habit becomes stronger, it naturally takes over and folds into our life. Usually becoming transparent because it melts into our life and we have already uncovered next one to work on.

It doesn't matter whether you want to replace habit of lateness, cursing, or overeating. The habit's intensity determines effort and time required to replace. Don't confuse effort with will power--they aren't same.

Effort is making a variety of alternatives until old habit melts into a new one. The right amount of effort will always be different for you than anyone else. There isn't an exact measurement because each of our unique qualities.

2. Discipline is an exercise of repetition. Not once or twice but until. Until completed.

For instance, writing isn't a natural talent. Yes, research shows that it helps to start process young. Yet, there are female Pulitzer Prize winners who began writing in their fifties -- after family obligations. They replaced their family responsibilities with discipline needed to be a successful writer. They disciplined their way to success.

Most people think positive thinkers naturally flow with confidence. Yet, positive psychology statistics dispel this myth. What's different is amount of time and space they allow when negative habits or messages appear. They appear incandescent to them.

3. Rewards. As managing partner of a CPA firm for 15 years, I thought rewards meant bonuses and paid massages. After attending Coach University and intensifying my study in Laws of Attraction, my perspective shifted. Positive people don't need an outside push; they seemingly have a natural internal push that continually pulls them forward. Sometimes labeled as determination or drive.

Title: The Tyranny of Good Girl, Good Boy

Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 789 Category: Relationships, Emotional Healing

The Tyranny of Good Girl, Good Boy By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Many of us grew up in households where our profound needs for love and safety were not met. We did not feel safe and loved in face of disapproval, criticism, rejection, abandonment, smothering, engulfment, physical abuse, sexual abuse. We did not feel safe when there was yelling, fighting, violence, substance abuse.

We had to do something to feel safe. Some of us figured out that we could have some control over our parents’ or other caregivers’ behavior if we were really good, if we attempted to do everything right. We figured out that if we disconnected from ourselves, from our own feelings and stayed acutely tuned into feelings of those around us, we could have some control over getting some approval and avoiding what we feared. We learned to feel a degree of safety by being a good girl, a good boy.

The problem is that, while we may have had some success with this strategy in our childhood homes, this same strategy is now causing our problems in our relationships at work and at home. When we disconnect from our own feelings, we become invisible to ourselves. Others end up treating us way we treat ourselves, so we become invisible to others as well. As adults, we end up bringing about very rejection we are trying to avoid, because we are rejecting ourselves.